lwb, seriously, reality if hitting him in the face and he can't handle it. thank god you read thru the BS about him wanting you to call OW. I also would only believe about half of what he is telling you in that regard, too. he may be right, he may not be, but honestly, unless she is threatening your well being, it is a distraction. it tries to keep your focus off of him and his actions, and onto hers. and all of this crap is working to keep your focus off of where it should be...yourself.
your H is full of it right now. he is scared and his fantasy world is blowing up in his face. the reality that you talked about...him moving out, exposing the A to family, etc...is freaking him out. I have zero doubt about it.
your first order of business is to take care of you and your girls. I'm glad you are going to see an IC...please don't step back from that. as for your h staying in the house, if you want him gone, you can get him gone. you have that power. I'd personally need him gone at least for a while at this point. honestly I don't think it is healthy for you with him there. but again, that is absolutely your call, and I will support you no matter what on that score.
(((HUGS)))
taking it you didn't sleep once again?
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
He also kept on the fact that he only kissed that woman because he thought I was on a double date with Hope.
Then if that's the case - stop with the game playing and tell it to him straight - don't risk pushing him away for a laugh about him being jealous.
As for OW - I am sure you are right that your H wants you to contact her to up the agro from his perspective. I mean, who gives a rats a$$ what OW thinks about you - you know the truth. Frankly, if she is saying those thinks it smacks of jealousy and perhaps her H has been saying to her "why can't you be more like lwb!!!!"
I know whenever I contacted OW I just came away feeling that the fact that I had contacted her showed her that she had gotten to me - I got fed up letting the b!tch see that in the end. She had gotten to me but why should I make her feel better by letting her know that? it took me SO LONG to figure that out - you are way smarter than me!!!!!
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
He also kept on the fact that he only kissed that woman because he thought I was on a double date with Hope. lmfao!!!! Hope, I knew you would get a chuckle out of that one.
Wow! Wow! Wow! They'll try any justification now won't they?
Quote:
Maybe you'll get a 'private' call today........ oh the joys of hopping on the rollercoaster with me. hee hee
No calls yet. No problem jumping on the rollercoaster with you....my life was getting kind of boring anyways. I've been there done that and it's nice to have a sane person beside you :-). See you in a bit.
M:28, D finalized: 8/28/07 Current Thread
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
He also kept on the fact that he only kissed that woman because he thought I was on a double date with Hope.
Also, remember, he is imposing his value stucture on you. If something is important to him, it must be important to you, right?
Of course not.
Originally Posted By: Ohio_Mark
You are a strong, attractive, confident, sexy, productive mother.
You are all of this, and you don't need another person to validate it. You don't need verification of your worth. He does. Don't let him drag you down. Continue to remind him that there is nobody else in your life, and there won't be for a long time. Juxtapose his lonliness and neediness with your independence.
saffie, game playing doesn't work with H. I have never done it. I have never once said anything other than "I will not date or be with anyone while I am married to you". He knows Hope and her situation, that she is cute (hi Hope! ) and single. He drew his own conclusions after that, and never once talked about them with me. He didn't even ask me if I was going to see her last Saturday night (she wasn't even in town)....
SallyM, I wish I knew how to make him go. Olive knows how it is. He will not leave. Maybe if his anger calms down.......but right now he won't leave. Mark *might* be right, that maybe he needs to be around me to see what he might be missing. H claims he has stayed with the hopes of 1) reconciling at times and 2) remaining close and intact as just friends for the girls.
Ok, I have to get ready for my date with Hope. See everyone later.
Of course I am right. Be the very best person you can be, inside and out. And whatever happens is really out of your control. Create the perfect lwb.... and good things will come to lwb.
I don't know if channeling me is such a wise thing. I can't say that any of my approaches to facing my spouse's belligerence has gotten me anywhere but deeper in the hole. And I can't say that I've been very successful in controlling the one thing that I am able, my mood, in such circumstances.
Your H getting his nose out of joint over you declining ML sounds sooo much like my W. W's self-esteem is so tied to her sexuality, that any such "rejection" she sees as an unforgivable offense. (Sometimes, I wonder whether my W is wired more like a stereotypical guy in that respect.)
For a long time after the bomb, I accepted her complaint that there had to be something wrong with me in that I was "not like most men" and ready to pleasure her at the drop of a hat. I began to wonder whether I was a LD spouse. But I know now that I have been harboring a tremendous amount of desire for her for a very long time now. But between her demands and her mounting disrespect and my deep, dark depression that resulted, I could not bring myself at times to simply submit to her wants or needs. I want to love the person I ML with, and I need for it to be mutual. I've experienced the absolute best with her, and I didn't want to continue settling for less than that.
My W, after a while, was just wanting me to express my love for her, but without really reciprocating herself. I could see that, subconsciously. I guess I knew deep down that it was all for her, not me and certainly not us, not any longer. For her.
Men just cannot "fake it".
So I understand your H's anger (though I think he's acting like a child), but I also know why you turned him down too. Right now, your H just wants you to want him for his own ego's sake. His anger shows he wants this for his own selfish wants, not for you. And unless you can both come to the table, so to speak, with each others' needs in mind first and mutually, then it doesn't make sense.
