Having a hard time

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I loved your comments! I have seen a lawyer. 2 different ones actually. I really cannot afford one though. (Free consultations). One thing I have to say is that he does not try to screw me like I hear most do. And FYI I make more than him, which isn't saying much, but since I have had the family medical taken out of my pay our take home is very close to the same amount.
And he is now paying his own life insurance - with me as beneficiary. I have mine to him, that way if either goes hopefully the house gets paid for the kids sake.

He did make comment that his $ pays half the mortgage and the kids medical. He is now paying his own phone, car insurance, and he keeps saying he is going to get his own medical-i'll believe it when I see it. He says therefore that he cannot do that and continue to pay me the same amount. Yes, if I don't have his medical I will save some so it may not be too bad but I haven't run figures.

Funny thing is I think he has the upper hand on me and he thinks I have the upper hand on him! I think we were pretty honest in that phone call with each other. I told him his payment can make or break me and the kids. He says he just wants what is fair so he can live on his own. Always tells me I wouldn't get a deacent apartment for less than I pay now (I always say but what about taxes each year?) so I should stay put.

I was so upset the last few days he said he didn't know if I would do something to myself. I really never could, even though it is a common saying you know. I said I wish I was never born. I said no one would miss me. He apparently came over yesterday morning and came in before the kids expecting to see my body. In some ways I would stay just to bother him! If I was gone his life would be solved-he'd get the house the kids and all the $!!!! But anyway.....