Tired and giving up

[LuvMyHusband]

Hi Yoyo,
He has been living off his pension that he withdrew when we moved. So when I need money, (if my income isn't enough) he gives it, just not timely. He's very angry and resentful that his pension is just about gone. I feel it's ridiculous because if he had gotten a full-time job then we wouldn't have needed to touch his money. I have been telling him for almost a year not that we cannot rely on my income as if a debtor defaults we are screwed.

He seems to heap everything on me. I'm suprised the war in Iraq isn't my fault.

I mean, I realize my responsibility and culpability in our R. I know, I have been working very hard to make changes in myself and feel I am succeeding. He admits that he sees some but that it will take time for his feelings to change. But to me, it seems like he is more intent on just focusing on who I used to be instead of the changes I have made, i.e., not being controlling, trying to trust, etc. I have been going to a new C who has been very helpful. I have been letting go of a lot of things and forgiving which has brought me peace. I don't feel H is doing one thing to help himself. But...I don't know that for sure since I don't see him or talk to him consistently.

He says he's not in contact with OW or anyone else but he sure hasn't tried to warm up to me. The other day he still tried to justify his R with OW but at the same time admitted it was wrong. I get the feeling that he doesn't feel it was that wrong talking to her about us only that it led to more that was most definitely wrong. My response is that there is never a justification for going outside our M, that is wrong what I did and it is wrong what he did. It's hard bc I don't feel he has any remorse. I don't know. I need to lift my spirits today.