I think Michele’s book recommend not to initiate R talk, let the WAS initiate it, They also say not to demand an apology. I think the WAS can see it as form of pushing/controlling.
In DR she quotes a post from the forum
Keep up the good work
Me 42 W 27 Married: 6 years Together: 7 years Daughter: 3 years Wife away 2/16/2007 - 12/27/2007 (School in a different country) EA/PA began on Jan 07 (found out 12/29/07) Papers served on 2/6/2008
