Thank you all. I appreciate the support. You know, its amazing how fragile the human psyche is. Driving home last night, praying the whole time that God will give me the strength to let her go, concentrate on myself, and commending the situation into His hands, I felt absolutely alive for the first time in *months*! The honest realization that this is her choice and there is nothing I can do to control it was liberating! I experienced a euphoria that literally had me whooping in the car! When I went to bed last night I was feeling pretty darn good about how well I was doing and feeling. Then I woke up about 3:00am, and my mind instantly went to her R with the OM and I had that sick feeling. I went to bathroom, back to bed and started shivering uncontrollably. Fortunately we have a big bed and she didn't notice, but I was dumfounded at how quickly my mind undid the good feelings of the night before. I was laying in bed actually plotting if I could get away with planting a tape recorder in her car, and waiting for morning so I could sneak downstairs and get it ready! Thank goodness I fell back asleep and came to my senses when I wokee up for real. The other realization I had yesterday was that I hate myself when I snoop. Every time I snoop I lose a little bit of self respect, and I hate that she has had that power over me for a long time. Well I am through (says the alchoholic) and won't let it overpower me again! Thanks all for letting me vent.
