babbling .......

I am doing well, and yet I see that I have a long way to go.


This year my Goal is to realy let myself be vunerable in a way I havent before. AND by that I do not mean let him walk all over me. I MEAN let my love shine thru in the things I do and especially in lovemaking which is where I tend to want to hide and not be vunerable. Be open to love and to let him love me and this is great ....awesome in fact.

But then for some reason fear sets in. We had a fantastic time and he was amazing and I let myself be AMAZING and really take the lead and be me. I even drove him near the edge in bed , he loved it.


So it is odd to me that today I feel so anxious I could hardly breath at times. I feel like this is too good to be true and he is going to turn into MR JECKYL anytime soon.
I hope not cause this time it feels so good , so different from before and the best feeling of it all, is, it feels genuine and real and sincere.

and still all in all downright SCARY.

I am being honest here.....
and I also am trying to work thru this... not walk around it , or climb over it but truly walk thru it and come out on the other side a better Person for it.

Scared as H*LL, as I approach my fear, but still walking towards it.
This is precisely what I worked so hard for, a H like this and now that he seems to BE slowy arriving and growing up and most of all showing me I am first. I am his everything.It is bliss.

I know this, that I have a lot of work to do to let go and feel this and embrace it, not fight it and allow him to love me and love him back w/o fear.

A lot of work in store for me this year,alot.
Blessings many and now it is time for me to thank God for them and work hard to show I APPRECIATE EACH AND EVERYONE.
God Bless...