I struggled with the wedding ring issue because prior to the affair and his filing for divorce, my husband had stopped wearing his ring... and this went on for a quite a few years.

This was my "issue" in the marriage because at that time I had felt rings were an important symbol for the marriage and he had lots of excuses for not wanting to wear one. i.e. lots of men don't, it's just a ring, maybe when the marriage gets better and I've made the changes he wanted to see.... etc...

Of course, now I realize he was indicating availablity, and he really did not want to commit to the marriage. There were times I'd wear my ring hoping he might put his back on. I wore it because I was 'standing for my marriage.' And then other times I felt very sad and disappointed and took it off (hoping it might change things).

Although, one thing I will say, even the times when I didn't wear it, I never indicated any "availablity" to other men. I just didn't put out those vibes, and basically ignored or bushed off any advances.

Now, when he filed for divorce and moved out (and left his ring in his dresser drawer... the only thing in it....). Then I stopped wearing mine and I even put out "the vibes." Not that I would have ever acted on any of them. But I found talking, and a bit of flirting-- never serious, was a lot of fun, and it helped me realize that if the divorce did go through, there would be life out there. I could be happy without my husband. My first choise was my family and my husband, but if he was too blind to realize what a great thing he was loosing, well, I'd eventually create a great life without him.

There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.