Dom - I've been married to a Doctor. I've been married to an oncologist who SMOKED. I've said, "Hmmm, do you suppose that is a good idea in the face of your knowledge??? No? Okay - I don't like it but you are an adult and your choices are yours." I value my H's otherness much more than you do. It is part of what I like about him and I'm not about to be his judge, Mother or Priest.
I am not chickensh*t to bring stuff up with him I just refuse to do it from anything that is not authentically from me. I believe strongly that my R with God is mine and no one elses. For that reason I don't concern myself with whether being gay is right/wrong or whether other kinds of personal decisions are a sin or not. If it doesn't hurt others directly then it is between YOU and God. One could argue that the lack of sex in our marriage hurts but does it really?? Maybe H thinks he is doing me a kindness by staying married to me despite not wanting to screw me - who knows? I don't really think that but the point is that it just isn't me to say, "Well H, according to the Pope, the Bible, Buddha, the Bhagavahd Gita and the I Ching.................. " I love reading and discussing faith and spirit and all of that but it is in the effort to "remove the log from my own eye" rather than someone elses.
Corri - you may have a point there. I am just in a very different place now. I guess that is why I am having trouble looking very seriously at the very well intentioned suggestions that Dom has provided. He thinks I am just, "Yes, but...." but really I am seeing this whole deal from a totally different perspective. I am past negotiations with H, past waiting for some counselor or book or forum to fix things, I am past even thinking that H will see a few verses in the Bible and don his hair shirt, flagellate himself for dishonoring me so etc.... As I said, maybe it doesn't have as much to do with him as I thought anyway. KWIM????
Lil - I don't think that everyone needs to leave to gain perspective but sometimes people do need to get out of their head and their key boards and live. Like Yoda said, "Try? Do or Do Not. There is no try." If I love my H as I say, if I believe our life together deserves more positive attention then maybe I should stop crying about it all over the place and start things with me. Corri seems to have picked through my recent postings and noticed that I'm in a different place and finding a path that is me. Maybe I can't do it with too many voices in my ear. I don't know.
