It's the MLC, not the infidelity

[SirPrizeMe]

RTL, thanks for the kind words of encouragement. The past 2 days have been solid for me.

Last night I saw my girls - went out for dessert. We giggled and sillied our way through the evening. When I brought them back to W, at a community church, the girls were still all happysilly. W wasn't ready to leave, so the girls and I hugged and played and frolicked for a while. And the boys, too. W just stood there, observing. I observed too, that she looked pretty good! She dressed up, first time in about a month that I have seen her looking good. I make sure that every time I see her I look good - shined shoes, nice shirt, hair done, big smile, shaved and cologne. But the past several times I have seen her she has looked a bit ragged, worn out, tired. not last night though. She made an effort.

I gave W some money. For 12 years my paycheck has been direct-deposited into a joint account. Three weeks ago, I changed it to go to an account only I have access to. Now she is out of money. Keep in mind that for the 5 months I've been out of the house, she has spent all of my income, and I have spent none. I've been living on borrowed funds. Anyway, that changed 3 weeks ago. Now she is worried about money! Surprise! Reality bites! Anyway I gave her some money.

Earlier in the day she had sent me an email with a line in it from her attorney, apparently something she had cut-n-pasted and inadvertently left in:

Also tell him you are not okay for money and you need $_______ (whatever you really need/think is reasonable/think he will hand over).

Yes, it had the blank in it, and everything. I hate being on the other end of this. I told her, "Don't squeeze me, W." I explained what she left in her email. She was apologetic. I wonder if she sees what this attorney is doing.

So anyway I gave her some cash. These days I make her sign a receipt, because she has been soooo wacky. This way she cannot come back later and say I have not given her money, she cannot say I have abandoned my family.

This morning there was a thankyou/boohoo email from her. Thank you for the money. and then 3 paragraphs of how hard things are, how she is all alone, and not sleeping at night, and so on.

I have not yet responded. I am totally sympathetic, though most of these problems are direct results of her choices. She has no friends left because she abandoned them all. She has no family to rely on because of her decisions and behavior. She has no money because she locked out her provider. I am still thinking about the response.

I see this as yet another opportunity to express empathy, to be her friend, to be kind and understanding, but without trying to save her.

I think my response is going to be along the lines of Wow, that sounds really difficult. But I know this is what you really want. We'll get through this and you'll be happier on the other side.

One day at a time.

I don't know where this will lead but whatever happens, I am glad that reality is beginning to creep into our lives.