just talked to one of my buddies / mentor who told me in no uncertain terms to stop feeling sorry for myself and move on / out. His take on the sitch is as long as I am at home, W has someone to depend on and will not feel the full impact of a potentla breakup. Basically she has it all right now. Furthermore he suggested I be proactive and call the realtor myself if W is stalling. He feels that i need to give her the impression that I am moving on....
I guess he has not read the books......can't say I disagree with what he is saying 100%.
john, my wife is doing the same thing. but you can move on with your life even if you are in the same house. it is abundantly hard. i can only do it with the Lord Jesus's help. i know my wife notices . i turn a blind eye to what she is doing. i love her despite what she is doing. sure she has filed. but she still has not moved out, even when i told her i would help her financially when i could. i want her to be happy. seek the direction from God.
m-54 w-44 children-4 bomb-sept 21 2007 t-21 m-20yrs bomb-sept 23 2007 divorced but not giving up hope, not yethttp://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#post1224023
Just keep in mind that our family and friends what the pain to stop for us. For us to move on and pick ourselves up. And, if you are willing to walk away from the M then it makes total sense. As soon as we decide you are done and don't want your W back then you should move on. If you want her back, be careful who you listen to. They have your best interests at heart, but may not necessarily know what you want.
Just keep in mind that our family and friends want the pain to stop for us. For us to move on and pick ourselves up. And, if you are willing to walk away from the M then it makes total sense. As soon as you decide you are done and don't want your W back then you should move on. If you want her back, be careful who you listen to. They have your best interests at heart, but may not necessarily know what you want.
hey john210 - I was away, then decided to shut up and read and let you sort things out. Not be controlling - LOL. That's what my IC says. So I sat back and followed until this
Originally Posted By: john210
just talked to one of my buddies / mentor who told me in no uncertain terms to stop feeling sorry for myself and move on / out. His take on the sitch is as long as I am at home, W has someone to depend on and will not feel the full impact of a potentla breakup. Basically she has it all right now. Furthermore he suggested I be proactive and call the realtor myself if W is stalling. He feels that i need to give her the impression that I am moving on....
I guess he has not read the books......can't say I disagree with what he is saying 100%.
As others have said - your buddy loves you, man. He hates to see you in pain. But he does not understand the consequences. I've asked you to put yourself in your wife's shoes - now put yourself in your buddies shoes. Would you recommend the same thing to ease his pain? Of course you would.
But you know what - if you take his advice, at the end of the day, he goes home to his family and you go home to an empty apartment.
He watches movies with his W & kids and you watch reruns of "I Love Lucy" alone.
He takes his W & kids to dinner and you're eating another meal over the kitchen sink, alone.
He will take his family on vacation, you'll be packing up your daughters suitcase as she goes away with her mother. But hey, maybe you'll get to see your daughter 3 or 4 days a week. But time will be cut short on school nights. And then there's 3-day weekends where W may want to take her along somewhere. But you'll have Christmas with your D7, this year, maybe not next year. Yet your buddy, well, he's still at home with his family.
john - stop even considering this as an option. Talk to your lawyer. I can't even conceive that he would recommend you move out. Stay put. Plan your work and work your plan.
In? Or Out?
Your gumba, phil
Me - 43 and She -36. No kids. Married 7 yrs - Together 14 yrs
If things do not work out with me and my W, there are some positives about being single you know.
I'll start with one if i may.....my Golf game will improve drastically (when this snow melts of course). I invite others to join in. By the way my single buddy (not the guy I mention above gave me a few more).
