Those are some excellent points, I have tried to analyze my motives in doing some things and even though I knew they were just trying to "show her" and not for me, I have done them anyway.. But I learned each time and will try not to make those mistakes again.
As far as her "not being herself or being completely nuts" that is the truth, there were times that if her head had spun completely around, she levetated off the bed and started spewing a green substance, I wouldn't have been all that surprised.
I too am terrible about listeneing, validating and letting go. Another thing I have to learn and work hard towards.
But working on me seems to be a common theme throughout many of the threads on this site. And it makes a great deal of sense, in the end we are the only thing we have control over...
