You are EXACTLY right -- This is a long, long ride.
I've learned the hard way that it does absolutely no good to point out to your W what should be obvious to any sane person. You can see what is happening, it is so clear to you, but they just don't get it -- or refuse to get it.
The problem is the more you analyze and try to become their therapist, the more and more they head in the opposite direction. My telling my W what was "obviously" wrong with her behavior set me back several months in our recovery.
This is the longest, most bizarre roller coaster ride you've ever been on and the problem is they won't let you off. You have to hang in there and just ride it out.
The only thing I'm able to do with my W's MLC is try to detach and work on me. I know where you are because if it was up to you, you'd be done in a week. This is easy to see from your perspective, but you have to remember your W is not there. She is not the W you remember. In fact, she is probably just plain nuts right now.
There is nothing positive that will come out of your telling her she's in MLC, pointing out what she's doing that is wrong, defending your actions from the past, and explaining your love and dedication for her and your marriage.
Instead, what you can do is detach and work on you. What do you need to do to make you happy? What should you do to develop a life outside of your marriage? Your W wants to see you confident and self-assured, not chasing, controlling, and analyzing her every move.
Work on living life for you and not for her to come back. Remember to ask yourself "What is my motivation?" before you act.
If the motive behind your action is to enhance and improve yourself, then do it. However, if you are motivated simply to get her to come back to you sooner, you'll be barking up the wrong tree.
Finally, I'm terrible at listening, validating, and letting go. These are the three biggest things I've learned in the short time I've been in this community.
Everyone is stressing patience, the ability to listen, the ability to validate what you've heard, and the ability to give your partner the space they need to work this out on their own. I suggest you work hard to follow this advice to the best of your ability.
Hang in there. You can do this, but you'll be on this long and windy road for a while. Steel yourself to this possibility and fill your time making you a better you.
Remember, if your marriage fails, you still have to live with you for the rest of your days. You need to take the time now to make sure you become the happiest, healthiest, best you you can become. You need this regardless of what happens to your marriage.
You need to do this for you. You are the only one you can control and you are the only one you can work on right now.
