I just want to make it better. . .

[seekpeaceofmind]

Thanks for bolstering me up, you guys! I know - it really does help to see that others are thinking and feeling the same things. It sometimes makes me feel less alone, sometimes validated, sometimes more clear about my own jumbled thoughts. The MLC and WAS partners have their scripts and we LBS have ours.

Can you not initiate some time together again, in small doses where you don't mention the m/r and make him feel more comfortable around you?

I thought about trying to spend time together, but he has made it pretty clear that he doesn't want to. I'm afraid to initiate, b/c when I have done so, he declines. This is a man who didn't tell me he was having surgery, refused to celebrate his b'day with me, did not want to see me over the holidays (altho he thought he was staying connected b/c he stopped my office for 15 minutes at 2:30 on Christmas eve with a gift), doesn't call to say "thinking of you" and generally doesn't acknowledge my rare voice or text messages. He came over on Monday specifically to tell me that he was ready for D and that was the first time I had seen him in over 3 weeks. It would be a 180 at this point for me to invite him to spend any time with me, but I can't deal with the rejection.

I don't want to sound negative, but that's where I am.

I did have some clarity today when I was thinking that this all makes me feel so unimportant to him and then "aha" - I remembered that one of the problems that developed for me in our M was feeling like a low priority to him. Not that I need to be doted on or the center of attention, but he used to make me feel like I mattered and he needed me. I'm not sure how I lost that - I must have failed to nuture his caring and I wish I could do a lot of moments over. But, anyway, the "aha" was how much my issues in the M are reflected by the way he is proceeding in this separation - just hugely magnified.

I am thinking of writing him a letter, but again, I'm afraid of pressuring him.

My H also brought up the getting back together after D. To me, if that is even on the forefront of their minds, then why D? It doesn't make sense, other than to give me (us) something to keep from letting go.

In my case, I think this is just an appeasement to not feel like a jerk - or to convince himself that this choice is less damaging b/c it may be reversible if he changes his mind later.

My plan is to go to bed early tonite, take a Unisom and hopefully actually sleep thru the nite, and then work on my PMA.