I feel like giving up and need advice

[limbogirl247]

I have read the boards for over a year and signed up in Nov07. I am still not sure how to create a thread but I posted a few things under newcomers when I signed up. I feel like my relationship is all one sided and I am more insecure than I ever have been. My SO has been in MLC for almost 4 years. I believe he is in the final stages, which IMHO is the hardest. Back in Nov he started taking very small steps towards me and I don't know if I did something wrong or what but he backed off and then would come towards me again. For example he got me a very nice Christmas present but yet on New Years Eve he pouted the whole night. It was just the two of us but I managed to have fun while watching him pout the whole night. It was very hard but the next day I was proud of myself that I handled it so well. He has now gone back to not calling me at all when a few months ago he was starting to call me once in a while. I don't call him except to tell him I am on my way home. When I do call all I say is I am on my way and nothing else. I probably shouldn't even do that but it is something I want to do. He is back to very hot and cold again. We live in the same house, which I think is harder when you want to be close to them. The reason I feel like giving up is because I don't know if all of this is worth it and feel like I am getting no where. I have done a 180, gone dark and am still working on GAL. Does anyone know how long this back and forth goes or anything else I can do?

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Well there is more to this story.

I can give you a little phrase to maybe help you through.

"Today is not the day I quit. Tomorrow I probabbly won't quit either, but lets see what tomorrow brings."

Repeat that every day.

Look, it really might have been something you did, if so check yourself. Figure it out, were you needy, clingy, the old you? Have you improved yourself? Did you slip back into old ways.

Yes the last stage...god I hate the stages...it's all hard. You get used to something and then they change, and what you used to do to protect yourself doesn't work, of you fall into the "expectations" trap, and that really is your fault.

The trite answer, is sadly the correct answer.
It takes as long as it takes him. You have to determine if you can stand and outlast his MLC. There are no set time frames here....with the exception of it will not be a short (1-6 mo.) trip.

You are still working on GAL and have been here a year?

Go GAL. Something.

Self assured, self reliant, and confident people are attractive.

[limbogirl247]

I have never been needy or clingy but maybe I slipped back to my old ways without realizing it. I will take a hard look at my
reactions to him in the last few months.

I did get used to him not talking too me or calling and then he
goes and starts talking a little. It is hard when they switch gears and you are not used to it.

I started reading the boards over a year ago and just signed
up in Nov to post. I started out by going dark and doing a 180 because I realized I had really let myself go and spent most of
my time doing that so I could work on GAL. I have also renewed
some friendships that got lost in the shuffle of life. This helps a lot in GAL.

I just feel so lost and am not sure where to go from here.

[grid, lost]

Jack_Three_Bean,
you posted a ref. page found here on DB and written by someone else. (lot of help I know) I saved the page as so helpful. ONly thing is my save went bye bye during a storm and we lost power. By any chance have 1/2 idea what I'm ref. and could again provide link???
thank you,
grid, lost

[grid, lost]

I started reading the boards over a year ago and just signed
up in Nov to post. I started out by going dark and doing a 180 because I realized I had really let myself go and spent most of
my time doing that so I could work on GAL. I have also renewed
some friendships that got lost in the shuffle of life. This helps a lot in GAL.

I just feel so lost and am not sure where to go from here.

limbogirl247,
had to laugh when i read your last line, as check out my screen name. lost is exactly how I feel. my H has been gone and with OW since Oct2006. Some progress although still not working on M.
Here is my offer for GAL, as you try to think of a way to GAL add this, GAL=Passion. So what is your passion in life? For me it is training and showing the hounds. Write your's down on paper and go only in that direction. GO and god speed.
grid, lost

[Jack_Three_Beans]

grid,

I am sorry...that's pretty vague do you remember what it was about? I don't reference many other threads around here, other that the top resources sooo maybe that was it?

But if you tell me what the post was about, I'll try and recall it.