Hanging on to what I believe in!

[tmi]

It must be somewhere warm, with excellent beaches and swimming. That's really my only requirement, but it's not negotiable - what say you?

Start buying those lottery tickets, Jeff.

[Treese]

I'm in....I want to go too.. I will bring the oreos.......

Treese

[ba065]

Hey...just have a quick minute.

H is severely depressed. He came home at 5 last night so we could talk. Talked for a couple of hours...it was going to be about our R...but veered off to how bad he has it. He thinks everyone is out to F$%^ him over....no matter how hard he works at something it doesn't turn out...if he died nobody but me, the kids and his parents would miss him....there's not point in going on and doing anything....he's on a treadmill of work and failure...what's the point of living.... etc....

He did bring up some valuable points....like...how can he make anyone else happy if he's not happy with himself.... and maybe he's just being selfish..... He thinks he is going crazy.

Sometimes I get so wrapped up in my feelings and how hurt I am that I don't remember to consider that H is going through H$%^ too! He's just a shell of who he used to be. I am truly worried about him and his mental well-being. I'm praying for him because he says it doesn't do any good so he's quit asking God to help him....I'm sad today...I'm worried about whether or not he'll be able to make it through this.

Any advice anyone? No matter how I try to tell him that things are not as bad as they seem or that things will be better...he doesn't believe me....

BA

[One Day]

Hey BA,

Gosh, H sounds in a bad way. I don't know if have any great advice to give, other than to carry on being his supportive rock and to be there and validate what he says (without offering solutions, which I think is the hardest part). You are so strong BA- and it sounds like H needs to draw on some of your strength right now. Thinking of you

(((BA!)))

L.xx

[Virtually_Handsome]

I'm sorry BA! You are in a real pickle. Because, as you have discovered, you can't try to talk him out of this. He'll think you are just trying to cheer him up, or you are the one who doesn't see reality, or come up with some other reason to justify the way he feels. I think that he is to the point where if you said the sky was blue, he would insist it was green!

His mental state has gone well beyond this engineer's ability to analyze! He needs something, but I have no idea what it is. I can see that he is hurting, and it is taking you, and to some extent your kids, down with him.

So, I'll do the one thing I've gotten good at!

((((((BA))))))

[Virtually_Handsome]

Should I move the trip planning to my thread? I'm thinking we might be able to plan a nice virtual trip, anyway! But I don't want to hijack your thread, BA, you have serious business going on here, my silliness might be better elsewhere. Though I will certainly visit!

[tmi]

ba, your H sounds depressed to me, something I'm sure you've already considered.

[new_attitude]

(((ba)))
I just got caught up on your thread. My, you have been on quite a roller coaster ride over the last few days! H definitely sounds depressed, and all you can really do is be there for him, without being too pushy about your r, give him the space that he seems to need.

[Treese]

He did bring up some valuable points....like...how can he make anyone else happy if he's not happy with himself.... and maybe he's just being selfish..... He thinks he is going crazy.

bA

HI Ba:
H does sound depressed, and you are doing so well with it...my H said almost these same words, but that he had to be true to himself first before you can be true to anyone else.


So strange how they all believe the same stuff..

Hold on....and take care..

Treese

[ba065]

Thanks everyone for your posts!

H seems to be peeking out of the depression a bit. He came home at 5 last night and took me out for dinner. We had pleasant conversation and he spent some time cuddling with me before bedtime. Showed up to cuddle for about 20 minutes this morning too....seems to be in a better state of mind again.

He acts so bi-polar....sometimes I wonder if he's a really good actor and hides the sadness most of the time or if he does have days that really aren't so bad.?

I'm trying to keep a "safe" distance emotionally...although it is very difficult. H doesn't seem like he's ready to run out the door or anything, but the ups and downs ...jeez...

The contact with MOW, if there is still any (?) is minimal...which is good...although when he gets so depressed, it's hard not to hope he's meeting her for lunch or something, because then he isn't alone. Does that even make sense? Believe me, I don't want there to be any contact...but when he's so down...???? IDK?

He just called to check in with me. Has two outside meetings today but will be around the office for the most part. He'll be home for a quick dinner and then off to class tonight until 10....so there won't be much time with him today. He only has 6 classes left so I will be glad when that's behind us and he has more free time...and less stress.

Hope you all have a great day today....I'm planning on having some time to check on all your threads so I can catch up on what's going on.

You are all always in my thoughts and prayers!

Hugs!!!!

BA