Piecin' for a Reason

[ntl]

Hi all,

I wanted to post an update on my situation (find the link to my story in my signature at the bottom of this post).

I have had pneumonia (yuck) over the last week, so I haven't been on at all.

H and I have been working really hard at making things work. The thing I have going for me, at least, is that H is very repentant and seems truly mortified by the person he'd become. He is going to a 9-month SAA workshop in an effort to really work the steps and figure out what the depths of his demons are.

As before, we have a 1-year committment. I have pledged to him that I will work very hard on the M for one year. At the end of the year, I'll assess and see if I want to recommit for any longer period. And I've made it clear that I will only stick around so long as I see him really, really working on himself and on our marriage. So far, 3 months after I made that statement, he's stuck to it like glue. Even going above and beyond on several instances.

I can't say that I haven't got fears and flashbacks and some real concerns about the future, but at this point, we're working and working.

We've been doing something that I read about called "ritualizing." That means we've been creating marriage rituals. So, each morning, we go upstairs to the religious altar in my home and we both sit and meditate in front of it for 10 minutes. We have a date night every week. We have a weekly "business" meeting where we discuss our weekly dinner menu, our budget, when and where our date night is going to be, and other social activities. It's been really great at keeping us centered on the marriage and on our goals. We assess things for the week prior and make plans for the coming week. It really helps us feel like we are building together towards a dream. So far, so good.

Things are looking hopeful and we are still visiting our C almost every week. H goes to two SAA meetings a week (on weeknights) so that keeps him pretty busy.

Regards, ntl