Hi guys!! I am falling off the wagon today. I f**kd up I think yesterday and continued today.
I asked him last night (I think I got too excited from "I called just to talk to you" phone call earlier yesterday) , how is he doing in the tiny one-room house he is staying at the moment. He said "fine but it is very cold" (the last few days have been cold here in Athens). So I Txt him back saying "when will you realise that as long as you are away from me/us you'll be cold inside and out". The answer I got was " I do not know".
I knew already he doesn't know yet, but it sounded cruel and the fact that he is taking his time to figure what he wants, while me and the kids are struggling (even if he doesn't know it) is so unfair. I replied telling him "no job or anything else will count if you lose us in the end.." No reply. I got upset for the rest of the evening and woke up in a bad mood today.
He called twice in the afternoon and I replied his calls later sticking to my "you can't reach when you want moto". He had received what I had mailed him 2 days ago. He thought it was really funny and made humorous comments and he seemed to enjoy it as much as I thought he would. I sent him a table calendar for his desk which has a sketch of a sex position for every day of the year. I put a post-it note on today's date saying "the way we are going we will have to "work" overtime to catch up with all the positions we missed so far". This is the kind of things I used to do when we were very much in love in the first years of our R. He loved it then, he loves it now. I can tell because he smiles through our talks everytime I do something like this. But I haven't been doing it very often, 2-3 times so far. It works, I have to be more creative...
He also wanted to tell me about a party the kids are invited this weekend. It's my weekend with the kids and the people inviting us used to be very good friend of us, the guy is his best friend. His wife though is realy weird and my H knows it and the last 2 months she decided she wants nothing to do with me for a stupid reason (claims I didn't respond to 2 of her txt messages during the days my H was mooving out(!!!)). I told him he could take the kids but for me this girl is "deleted". His answer was "oh great MY only good family friends are deleted, that's fine". He said that as if we were still a family and how me being so absolute with her would create a problem to our friendhsip. I replied calmly that he could see them whenever he wished to, it was all about me and not him and reminded him all the times I tried to contact her and she didn't even pick up to clear the misunderstanding. He agreed she is difficult and we left it there.
I feel I am falling off the wagon because the last 10 days I've become impatient and loosing it. I am not as optimistic as I used to be and I am depending again on what he says or does. I was over that for a month. As soon as I saw changes, I am going back again...
He just called. Has the morning off, the kids too from school, and he'll come in the morning to spend time with them.
I have even been thinkg about the possibillity of an OW although he spends all his free time with the kids and we can always reach him (see what I mean, I AM on the wrong track).
Well, that's all. I didn't work on my goals yet. Thanks Essie, Trans (I've been checking on your thread) and fb2. I'll be osting on your threads. I hope you are all doing better than I am inside.
