I will tell you that it doesnt solve anything. Cause now I am no better than my H. I always thought of myself as a non-vindictive person and have even been told by people "I would love to have an ex-wife like you." But now I stooped to his level and now I feel worse about myself than he had already made me feel after his many A's. If you can avoid putting yourself in that situation do. I am not saying don't go out with some girlfriends and flirt a little cause it does make ya feel good about yourself but let it end there.
M~40 (#3 for me) H~40 (#2 for him) Together 8 years Married 6 years S 24 S 21 S 20 S 18 S 17 S 14 Bomb 01/01/07 (the final one) ~Only God Will Judge Me ~
Yeah, I distincly remember thinking at one point that all I need to do is go out and find someone new. Sure, that would make me feel better for a short while but I realized that I would be doing my family, myself and the unsuspecting "other" a huge disservice. I have absolutely no desire to meet anyone new at this point.
Latest Thread
Me: 39/W: 37 D13-D11-S8 M/T 14/20
EA confirmed: 9/13/07 D-Bomb: 9/19/07 OM Gone since 12/18/07 W wants to fix marriage: 3/16/07
Yeah, I distincly remember thinking at one point that all I need to do is go out and find someone new. Sure, that would make me feel better for a short while but I realized that I would be doing my family, myself and the unsuspecting "other" a huge disservice. I have absolutely no desire to meet anyone new at this point.
Latest Thread
Me: 39/W: 37 D13-D11-S8 M/T 14/20
EA confirmed: 9/13/07 D-Bomb: 9/19/07 OM Gone since 12/18/07 W wants to fix marriage: 3/16/07
Personally, I want to be able to tell my boys that I a)stood up for my marriage and did what I could to save it. b)I honored my vows, even after seperation and while the D progressed through court.
I'm a little late on responding to this one, but I just had to. The other night during a heated exchange (H was drunk), H said....She (D3) will know the truth!! As if to tell me that she'll know the mistakes her mom made in the M and that it was mom's fault it fell apart. My response.....Yes, she will know the truth! Not that I want to expose my child to that, but I was angry that he is the one in the A, yet had the nerve to want to tell our child that I was the one entirely to blame!
Quote:
The problem is that any relationship started when you are still married, or in the midst of divorce (and still broken and full of baggage), isn't based on anything substantial. It's just ego building and a bandaid. People using each other. For example, what kind of emotionally healthy person want's someone in the midst of a divorce and all the emotional upheaval that occurs during one? It just isn't a good way to create anything real or substantial.... and it isn't right to use people.
ROOT- HOW TRUE! I know my H and the OW feel that they are in love and I know that there are rare cases where the relationship does last. However, they have NO idea what real life will be like together right now. NO IDEA.
SueS
ME: 42, H: 42, D6 Together: 18 yrs. Married: 15 yrs. Attended Retrouvaille - December 2009 Status: Working on it day by day
I know how you feel as my wife is in an EA and yet I'm the one she blames. I'm being told it is my fault she looked to the OM.
I have told her that she will have to be the one to look my daughter in the face and tell her she wouldn't end the EA and she wouldn't agree to go to counseling.
Unlike your H, my wife won't respond because she knows it is true. However, it doesn't stop her from being cold and distant and cutting me out.
What I did learn is my discussing these facts do nothing to help my current situation. In fact, they only serve to push my W further away.
So, I'm working on not discussing anything about the M, R, or EA with my W until she decides it is something she'd like to discuss.
That is why it sucks so much -- I am not in control. Allowing myself to give up control and back off has been difficult, but it is necessary.
Hang in there! We can all do this if we are truly able to be patient. RTL
How many of you out there are still wearing your wedding rings?
Have you thought of taking them off? Not as a statement that you are done with your marriage, but as a symbol for you to detach and concentrate on yourself.
I'm wrestling with this idea right now and would appreciate any feedback.
I took mine off as means to detach. Don't know how effective it is to either wear it or not unless you think about it that much. I decided I wouldn't put it back on until WAW put it back on my finger. It is only then that I'll be married again.
I would never have an affair to "get back" so to speak, and I would not have an affair since I am still married and as such said in good times and in BAD, so no matter how lonely and sad I have been, and how nice it would have been to have someone "want" you or hold you, it is still not the way to go.
I guess if the M is over and a D is final then who cares in a way. I also wear my ring, perhaps even fondling it more than I did in the past. I can detach, and detaching does not mean not being married and it is still to try and become a better spouse that we are doing it so I think wearing a ring is fine.
I took mine off when she was still in contact with OM, and had taken hers off. Once she agreed to go "no-contact" with him and come back and work on the marriage, I said "OK, the FIRST thing I want us to do is both put our wedding rings back on."
I appreciate the feedback because I'm not sure what to do right now.
My W has taken hers off, but I still wear mine. I'm hesitant to take it off because I don't want it to seem like I've given up on the M.
Did you take your ring off to help you detach or as a statement to your W that you weren't going to idly sit by and wait?
I can understand both reasons and support them both as logical. I'm just curious as to why you made your choice and what drove you to ultimately take it off.
