I have not - at least intentionally - put my H last

again...rephrased: "I have put my h last".

not intentionally, of course. so, that means you're not a bad person. ;\) but he ~feels~ last. and that feels extremely painful.

Seems like you're looking at this whole thing as some sort of negotiation. At the end of any successful negotiation, both parties come away from the table feeling like they've been slighted. Thats not going to work w/ a relationship. This "tit for tat" stuff...(I guess you said thats mostly him)...it won't work. I don't think "meeting half-way" will, either. you both have to meet ALL your partner's needs.
He claims a good sex life will solve all of his negative behaviors. I disagree
how do you know? have you tried it?
I'll tell you what: I'm much nicer to be around when I've been boinked. There, I said it. and being "nicer" makes me much more attractive, which makes w want to boink me again, and so on...and so on...
Now, I'm not saying that its as easy as all that...just boink him, and all your problems will be solved. no no. But there is some truth to what he says.
Doctors haven't fixed me. Meds haven't fixed me
perhaps because there isn't anything "wrong" with you.
I have this sense that HDM - and this is a generalization - do not have the patience.
hmmm....just keep reading. Many of the HDs here (m's and W's) have been dealing with this for long, long time, and have gone **years** without any sex at all. years!!
We've never been that bad...but we've been together for over 20 years, and only in the last couple of them have things really improved. Is that too impatient? maybe its not "patience", at all...just really really low self-esteem.

anyway, its not important.