My W is an introvert, she is often described as cold, aloof and standoffish. (I'm an introvert too, but seldom described like that).
-- that's good that you're both introverts. It would likely be impossible otherwise!
Same for my W. I do think we are a good match for each other though.
-- very good!
The person who can veto something is the one with the power. Sex definately comes under this category.
-- The important thing in my mind, LIN, is that you seem to have abandoned your own power. Think about this for a nanosecond: you wife wants the relationship, for whatever reason. Therein lies your power.
But, I know I want to be with her and make this R work. The trick becomes, as I see it, how do I not feel resentful, meet my needs in healthy ways, and be happy.
-- the trick is, IMHO (and I believe I have a right to an opinion on these matters, read my thread) is to have the courage to give up the relationship if it fails to meet your basic needs. The trick is to negotiate your needs, without fear of how W will react to the negotiation. The trick is to recognize your own power in the relationship -- this is difficult when there has been an OP and a Sep related to OP. But I think this is what is called for. And never lose sight of the fact that 'negotiation' is not 'demands'. Negotiation is a delicate art. It takes time and perseverance and the firm belief that what you are negotiating for is legitimate and fair, and also it takes a firm belief in your own value/wants/needs.
3) tell her what I want and negotiate it
-- go for #3. And don't be wimpy about it. What you wrote below is wimpy.
(she could say "i don't feel like being with you now, but how about tomorrow afternoon we sit down together for coffee and a talk?)
-- if you are presently separated (this not clear to me, are you?) then you have a truly great venue for negotiating a Reconciliation Agreement. My mantra: "Don't let them come home without it"
since I'm lucky enough to have C on my insurance for a low co-pay of $20, I think I'll see the C again and discuss some of these topics. Having a C available is just one of the many ways I'm lucky. I wish I could share my luck with y'all.
-- has C been helpful in the past? If not, why go there? You have a good mind and are educated to the issue. You can probably do this OK on your own.
I guess the DB lessons always aply.
I'll go back and read the book, maybe look at some 180s.
-- The best thing that Michele suggested, to my way of thinking, is that if something is not working do not do more of the same. Do something different.
