MrsCac - I find your posts to be very valuable. I save certain posts, or parts of posts, that resonate with me. Over the years, I've saved them in different formats - WordPerfect file, emails to myself, and lately, I've been using Google Notebooks. Sometimes I save the poster's name, sometimes not. Many of your posts are in there.
Quote:
I find his sarcastic posts that slam LD women a little tough to take.
Aha! I just figured this out! When I "slam LD women," I am actually slamming "LD women who make no effort to resolve the imbalance, or who actively insult their spouse's point of view." I don't consider you one of these people. I actually consider you one of "us." "We" are the people who have come here to put in the work to save our marriages.
My frustration is with the partner who doesn't want to put the work in to save the marriage, who isn't willing to look inward and examine their own contribution to the problem. I slam the LDs because that's my context. I would also slam HDs who blindly think it's the LDs fault that their life sucks (e.g. cemar, but I just ignore him at this point), or LD husbands who don't give a damn (annette's H or Lil's bf). See? I slam all who deserve slamming. I am an equal opportunity slammer. I wasn't slamming you. I was actually including you in my little joke of a post to Ingrid because you're one of "us."
Maybe I should have used a little winking smilie...but I try to avoid those things.
Wow, I just realized something. Something that I'm rarely accused of: I was too subtle!
Now...let's get back to slamming the people who need to be slammed: those who don't put the into keeping a marriage healthy.
Thanks, Hairdog. I really appreciate it. Your post also made a lightbulb go off in my head.
I think what is hanging me up (well ONE of the things) is the use of LD and HD here on the board. Others have been voicing their concerns about this as well.
I'm basically in limbo. I don't fit the negative LD woman that Hairdog described, but I'm not "HD" either. At this point, cac still desires sex more than I do and so he is the "HD" partner by MWD's definition, right? (There are reasons for the discrepancy but I won't get into that.)
Maybe that's part of the reason I feel that I don't fit. I don't know what it's like to be the HD partner because I never have been, so even though I'm "one of you" because I'm also working on improving my sitch, I can never be "one of you" in the HD, sex-starved sense. I can empathize but it's not the same.
Anyway, my first impulse, last year, was to assume that people thought what I wrote was stupid. I know, I know, but that's what I thought. More recently I have been entertaining the idea that maybe they're not saying anything to me because they agree with me, or at least understand what I'm saying. NO!!! Could it be? That's a novel idea for me, and one that I probably wouldn't be entertaining if not for my Individual Counseling (not to be confused with IC the poster).
And because I still associate with "LD," I cringe sometimes at some of the stuff here aimed at the clueless LD women. I know it's not directed at me personally, but I guess I feel a certain connection or kinship with other LD women, even the ones who have their heads so far in the sand that they can't see the light of day. I do feel for them, I feel bad for them, I wish they could see what I can see. I wish they knew how much they are losing or stand to lose. I empathize with them too.
I do feel for them, I feel bad for them, I wish they could see what I can see. I wish they knew how much they are losing or stand to lose. I empathize with them too.
The unfortunate thing is that, at least in a situation involving children, there are a LOT of people who are going to be affected negatively.
I wish I could rally together a small squad of LDWWAC (low drive wives with a clue) to try to talk some sense into the LDWWOACs.
That's a novel idea for me, and one that I probably wouldn't be entertaining if not for my Individual Counseling (not to be confused with IC the poster).
Yes, please don't confuse the IC's....the last IC you mentioned almost got me into some hot water and it wasn't....IC=Individual Counseling
- IC ...Who is seriously thinking of changing his screen name.
Mrs. Cac cac once told me that the posters here weren't "real," I think as a way to try to help me. It didn't.
I suppose the temp on Sunday (+51f) and the -18f very late Monday wasn't real? It sure felt real to me, so I must be real.
ETA More recently I have been entertaining the idea that maybe they're not saying anything to me because they agree with me, or at least understand what I'm saying. NO!!! Could it be? YES,it could be and often times is what I am thinking.
Like HD, I have a lot of respect for you making an effort to have a better M and enjoy the physical side of M. WTG. Lou
I think he was distressed that I was feeling upset because of being on the board. He just didn't want me to be upset because it made him uncomfortable. This was nearly a year ago though. I believe he has more insight into this now.
He feels more comfortable posting than he would talking to people here face-to-face because he's not looking at a face, he's looking at his monitor. I think that's true for a lot of people, and the reason that some people on the internet can be very nasty.
But for me, the whole experience is as real as if I were talking with people IRL. If I'm expressing my thoughts, it's real, regardless of the medium of expression.
Mrs cac, the next time you write something and have the impulse to erase it, don't. Hit "submit" instead. Really.
NONE of your posts has EVER struck me as stupid. The voice inside your head that says they are stupid is mistaken. Don't believe those thoughts.
This is a good laboratory to experiment with putting yourself out there at absolutely NO RISK. What can possibly happen to you? Even if someone thinks your ideas are crazy or gets their feelings hurt or whatever-- so what? We're all grownups. We will all get over ourselves.
The designations HD and LD certainly aren't very precise. I've been both. Right now I have no interest at all in sex. If you don't agree with those terms, don't use them or make up your own. This is a forum to play with your identity, your ideas, your opinions, testing them out on others, observing your reactions and just generally playing.
You absolutely belong here. You are a peer. You are the equal of anyone and everyone here.
Do not listen to the voices in your head that say otherwise.
Posting here and expressing yourself seems to have called up a lot of questions and conflicts within you. THIS IS GOOD. This is something for you to explore, inquire into, and not avoid.
I don't know if anyone has made any assumptions about how things are going in the cac household, good, bad, or otherwise. We certainly wish y'all well, but understand that daily life has its bumps. Do you feel like you have misled us into thinking things are fine? Not so.
Also, do you feel like you post and no one responds specifically to your posts? That happens sometimes. I often feel like my posts bring the conversation to a dead stop.
Explore these feelings that are coming up. YOU BELONG HERE. YOU CANNOT BE LABELED. We LOVE you! Okay??
