Thanks Jak and Michelle! Dinner with H tonight, I am kind of excited about it. H emailed me several times at work today and even called me twice! Seemed like he was in such a good mood. It has been a while since he has seemed that way.
Well, went out with H last night and we had a great time! He took me to a place called the Jazz Factory...which was actually the same place he took me the night we got engaged. It is about an hour away from here so we had a lot of time in the car. The conversation was good the whole time. No awkward silences.
When we got back he asked if I wanted to come over to his apartment. He said it was my B'day and he hated to just take me to eat and take me home. So I went over and we watched a movie. We snuggled on the couch....and then he put the moves on me. We did ML. I tried not to be too serious about it. Tried to make it more sexual as you said Michelle, which I think went over well. I didn't stay the night. I just left when I got ready.
H and I are really into the show Lost. We have watched every episode together. It is FINALLY coming back on Thursday, so when I left I told him I wanted to come over and watch it with him. He said that sounds great. I don't think i will call him today. I will just do my thing and then go over tomorrow. Things seem to be progressing, but I am trying not to get my hopes up or have any expectations.
Sounds like you had a great birthday! Interesting that he chose that restaurant, I wonder if that intentional or subconscious. A good sign at any rate.
I love that you left after ML because it's such a "guy" thing to do and must've left him wondering.
Lost sounds like a good ritual to try and spend some time together.
Keep the positive changes going. I know it's hard to be patient.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
I agree, I thought that was an odd choice. We actually even sat at the same table, which I am pretty sure was a coincedence..but he did point that out. I thought it, but didn't realize that he noticed.
We had actually talked about being intimate and decided not to (mostly becuase of him). I think because when we were talking the other day I asked him why he ML with me if he wasn't sure. I guess he felt guilty about that. I told him I was sorry that I shouldn't have done that. Then we watched the movie and laid on the couch for about two hours. Hmmm...seemed like he couldn't control himself after that. I made a decision not to read too much into it. I remember my counselor saying that it was different for guys and sometimes the emotional attachment comes after ML, whearas with women the emotional attachment comes before ML.
Yep, I am hoping I left him wondering. I am sure he expected me to be all clingy after that.
You are right, it is very hard to be patient...but I am doing my best.
Wow, it has been a busy weekend. Well, I went to watch Lost with H on Thursday night. Actually he called me before and asked if I wanted to go eat. We saw a mutual friend while we were out, someone that we used to work with when H and I met. So this friend sees us and asks my H how married life is. H just doesn't miss a beat and says "Oh, it is pretty good. I just got out of the AF and so we moved back here." I don't think H has told any of his friends about anything that is going on. I actually called one of his friends after the bomb dropped to see if H had been acting strange around him. He didn't know anything was going on and was shocked to hear it.
I went to New Orleans on Friday and got back last night. I had a good time but I REALLY missed H. It just made me realize how much I miss things being right with him. I really hate this. I hate not being able to tell him how much I missed him. I haven't even talked to him since Thursday. I wanted to call him so bad and tell him how much I wished he was with me...but I'm not supposed to, right? I just feel like I am subjecting myself to horrible pain by holding on. I don't feel like things will ever be the same. He used to be so affectionate and now we barely touch. I am so jealous of people that have that. I want that again.
I know my H has been showing signs of improvement, but I don't want to be with someone who just "doesn't want to be divorced". I want to be with someone who loves spending time with me and with someone who loves me. I am so tired of the rejection. I am so tired of feeling like I am chasing after someone who wants nothing to do with me. I just don't know how much longer I can do this.
Forgot to mention that the friend I went to see is getting married in June...and I am her matron of honor. I have already been in one wedding since the bomb and let me tell you, it sucks. I had to spend the weekend looking at wedding dresses, bridesmaids dresses, wedding invitations...all while keeping a smile on my face and trying to be excited for her.
Maybe that is why I got so down this weekend. Just seeing my friend with her fiance and wishing that H and I still had that love. I don't want to go to this wedding divorced and I don't want to go to this wedding alone. I really hate my life right now.
I've been to one wedding since the bomb dropped too. It sucks. I left when they were doing their first dance because I started bawling.
That must've been very exhausting emotionally. No wonder you are feeling down about the whole stitch right now.
The whole point of the DBing is to get back to that point, not to settle for being with someone who merely doesn't want to get D. It just takes time.
Have you talked to him since you got back? Since he seems to be comfortable with you guys talking more frequently you might give him a call and talk about all the fun you had.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
