Hairdog's comment hurt, to be honest. I know he has been very frustrated and I am sorry for that, but I guess I find his sarcastic posts that slam LD women a little tough to take. cac would tell me not to let it bother me, but I do. Ironically, cac once told me that the posters here weren't "real," I think as a way to try to help me. It didn't.
Maybe what I write makes it sound like everything is hunky-dory in the cac household. I don't know. But the reality is that I am still finding my way. I have to work at it most days. I've seen the light but that doesn't mean that everything is magically fixed.
There are so many times that I want to reach out to people here and I just can't. I mean, I try. Those are often the posts that I start and then erase. I just find it so hard to reach out. I'm awed by all of you who do it, seemingly effortlessly. I was actually telling my C about this recently and she asked me why I erase posts. And I started talking about how my posts sounded stupid to me, etc. so I just erased them. When I was done she told me that I'd used the word "stupid" four times.
I think I might have some insight into this. I am going to be tested for ADD next week. I've been reading up on ADD and women (thanks go out to MrsNOP and Crazy Eddie for bringing it to my attention) and many things just ring true for me. It's very common for people (maybe women even more so) who have ADD to think they are stupid, even the ones with Mensa IQs. The fact of the matter is that I can't keep people's stories straight or even remember what was said at the beginning of a thread, even though I've read it already. So I start writing and then I can't remember the facts and then I try to go back and I get confused and it's just too much work and my son is calling me, so I just erase what I've written and walk away.
I can't shake this pervasive feeling that I don't fit here. It is a feeling that has plagued me most of my life. It's only cac's encouragement, when I talk about quitting the board, that has kept me plugging away. He reminds me that I have just as much right as anyone else to post here and so I try again.
ETA: forgot to add that I've read that some people with ADD have difficulty putting their thoughts down into words. That is one of the things I struggle with most using this format.
