Ingrid, welcome aboard and please DO NOT shut up. In fact, please start your own thread and tell us your story. Please.
I love sleeping naked and my bf I always did that. I could never fall asleep with anyone touching me until I slept with him. (I'm 59 and have been in several long term relationships.) The trouble is, it never led to any sexual reaction on his part, even when snuggled REALLY close. But that's another story, which mercifully, seems to be over at this point.
mrs.cac, who frequently wonders why she wastes her time posting on this board.
Wastes her time???????
I think your posts are wonderful, very insightful, well worth reading. If you only knew!
I've done what you wish your wife would. You wrote last year that it was depressing to read about my progress because you wish your wife would get a clue too (paraphrasing here). Mrs. Cac, I am happy to hear about the progress you have made. Yes I wish my W would half of what you have accomplished and I am sometimes enveious, but depressed because you have and BB hasn't done something.
I don't know how much support you and Cac feel from my posts. but keep posting.
FWIW, it sometimes takes me a long time to write a post.
The reason I joined in the first place was because I thought it might be helpful to give my POV. cac had been here for several years, I had been lurking for a few months and things were improving for us.
But sometimes I really do doubt that it is helpful to anyone here who is "HD." I write about how I feel sometimes but I think it's extremely difficult for anyone to get it unless they've been in my shoes. And most posters here have not. But I guess all that really matters is that cac gets it.
I haven't taken the time to figure out how to add URLs to my signature without taking up too many characters. Perhaps one day, but at the moment it's pretty low on the priority list.
Now I'm going to have to start reading your thread and I really will never get anything else done.
Mrs. cac, your posts are great and I think a lot of us "get" you. Don't get swept up in a negative tailspin, please. You express your pov very well, with a lot of self-awareness and understanding. Was it just hairdog's comment that pi$$ed you off? Bear in mind where he's coming from... a pretty bad spot. You're my soulmate (there's the "S" word)-- you can't go anywhere!
Hairdog's comment hurt, to be honest. I know he has been very frustrated and I am sorry for that, but I guess I find his sarcastic posts that slam LD women a little tough to take. cac would tell me not to let it bother me, but I do. Ironically, cac once told me that the posters here weren't "real," I think as a way to try to help me. It didn't.
Maybe what I write makes it sound like everything is hunky-dory in the cac household. I don't know. But the reality is that I am still finding my way. I have to work at it most days. I've seen the light but that doesn't mean that everything is magically fixed.
There are so many times that I want to reach out to people here and I just can't. I mean, I try. Those are often the posts that I start and then erase. I just find it so hard to reach out. I'm awed by all of you who do it, seemingly effortlessly. I was actually telling my C about this recently and she asked me why I erase posts. And I started talking about how my posts sounded stupid to me, etc. so I just erased them. When I was done she told me that I'd used the word "stupid" four times.
I think I might have some insight into this. I am going to be tested for ADD next week. I've been reading up on ADD and women (thanks go out to MrsNOP and Crazy Eddie for bringing it to my attention) and many things just ring true for me. It's very common for people (maybe women even more so) who have ADD to think they are stupid, even the ones with Mensa IQs. The fact of the matter is that I can't keep people's stories straight or even remember what was said at the beginning of a thread, even though I've read it already. So I start writing and then I can't remember the facts and then I try to go back and I get confused and it's just too much work and my son is calling me, so I just erase what I've written and walk away.
I can't shake this pervasive feeling that I don't fit here. It is a feeling that has plagued me most of my life. It's only cac's encouragement, when I talk about quitting the board, that has kept me plugging away. He reminds me that I have just as much right as anyone else to post here and so I try again.
ETA: forgot to add that I've read that some people with ADD have difficulty putting their thoughts down into words. That is one of the things I struggle with most using this format.
