BTW, I think it is especially creepy/odd that creepy guy removed his posts and cancelled. Sure, I'm glad he did. Yet, it is an additional red flag about him, seems to me. I think your instinct to avoid him is a good one.
Oh, and have fun with the party. What are you making? Chocolate covered strawberries always impress folks, lol.
OT thanks - I see what you're saying now. Hmmm. Will have to think on that more. My first reaction is that you're right (of course).. but WHY? I think it's fear.. I think I am confusing the way things are currently with the way I believe I'd now be/act/treat H if I felt more secure in the M.
Definitely need to mull that over more - thanks as always for the good food for thought.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
Quick note on the creepy guy and then gotta run for work - yes, I find that especially odd too! I'm glad he did primarily because it took the organizer out of a very awkward position. But in terms of what it means for me, it definitely raised a red flag.
Ooh chocolate covered strawberries sound good.. it's an "International Wine and Cheese" theme so everyone's bringing either a wine or cheese from a different country (talk about an easy theme for me as the hostess eh?). I am providing the bread and crackers, a red and a white from South Africa, and two Irish cheeses. I think chocolate covered strawberries could be a GREAT dessert idea! Thanks!
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
If you haven't made them, they are soooo easy. The secret is just to make sure the strawberries are *totally dry* before you dip them in melted dark chocolate on an angle, lay them on wax paper, and stick them in the fridge.
on the creepy guy, I would almost think someone HAD to have talked to him, or he thought he was being "found out". that is very strange. did anyone else know how you felt? maybe they sent him a mesg.
my whole take on your limbo is... every sitch is different. If your H has really been in MLC, that can take 2 years (supposedly) My sitch happened rather fast, but I was in limbo for several months. I don't think anything is wrong with it, if your able to be patient. I feel that your sitch is just slowly getting closer and closer to your goal. and it's all about H. after him coming back home to soon, we obviously can see that he is going to take a long time to work on.
I don't see why you should give up on your patience. I guess you need to look at the progress that has happened in the last 6 months. And what length of time do you think is too long to be on the same level? 2 weeks? 2 months? I definitely think 2 weeks is too short. 2 months, well, if things aren't getting worse, and they aren't getting better either, then it might be time for a change or new 180s. But I think you really need to look at how things have been, how your H has grown in the R- albeit slowly, but he has, and how much patience you have.
on your H's pissy mood. we all have those. either he had a bad day, or else he's getting slightly annoyed being towards the end of your list. ??? I have no idea, because he usually seems to react really well when you have all these GALing plans....but maybe, just maybe he's wanting more attention?
just a thought.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
Good news on creepy guy saying no! Your party sounds SOOOO fun. I love wine and cheese. Truly, I think if I could only choose one thing to eat and one thing to drink for the rest of my life, wine and cheese would be mine. I'm sure it will be a great party!
Don't beat yourself up about snapping at H. The one thing I've had to learn is that I can't catastrophize over any single event or conversation. We're all human, and so, no matter how hard we work, we're going to slip, even in the best of situations. I actually told H in MC last week that if he couldn't handle that, he should exit now because I *am* going to have moments where I just plain suck....just like he will.
A question: are you in IC? I think it would help you sort through your thinking and come to a place where you're ready to speak openly to your H about what you want/need/expect. I get the sense you are a little foggy...a little unwilling to rock the boat...just cloudy on the H front. So, the first thing you need to do is get clear about yourself and what you're willing or unwilling to do.
Right now you and H aren't talking. It reminds me of one of my favorite lines ever from a young adult book titled _Walk Two Moons_: "The truth was hidden beneath piles and piles of unsaid things."
Your H seems like the type who is uncomfortable with words and expressing his feelings. I imagine he is as afraid as you to rock the boat at this point. At some point, you two are going to have to talk and make a decision about whether you're going to work on the marriage--in MC--or split. You can't do it on your own...and the crazy thing about the DBing process is that while it wakes us up, IT WAKES US UP. Meaning, now that we're awake, we become really, really aware of what WE want and deserve as well. Anything less than that is impossible.
But you have to get clear on your own feelings first. You need to be able to speak from a place of truth WITHOUT being tied to a specified outcome. That is true detachment...to love yourself enough that speaking your mind compassionately and without strings is more important than staying silent out of fear.
I wish you luck...this stuff is hard, and it doesn't ever go away no matter what happens in our sitches. The reward, however, is priceless.
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
Great post SD! (though I don't really think MC is a requirement for reconcilliation.
I agree, but given the fact that they don't communicate well, I don't hold a lot of hope that H will spontaneously become the Great Communicator. All this stuff will need to be talked about at some point if only for Nikki's sanity...or at least that's been my experience. MC was my "safe" place to ask questions and state what I wanted. It's only because of that vehicle that I've been able to do those same things outside of MC and made it a part of the way I interact with H on a daily basis.
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
