His crisis is no longer your crisis, whether he is fully baked or not. He may be out of the tunnel and just choosing to comit to a life of regret rather than healing. His choice I guess.
You seem ready to choose a life of living, and that is what you deserve. Maybe he learned he is weak and unable to embrace happiness when it is in his hands. If he lets go now, all he will have is empty palms. He seems to prefer that to facing his own mistakes, and his own demons. They will follow his every step until he does. I think that part of his crisis is not over. It may never end. He seems reconciled to that. Let go of what is not yours to mend.
You can neither help nor fix someone who does not want to be healed. And you can not live in the shadow of their disease when they don't want to be well.
The truth. When you find someone that deserves you and they make you happy, he thinks it will be the best news of his life. He believes it will lift the veil of guilt from over his head so he can be happy again. Wrong. He will only learn in time that he has not solved his internal wrongs, and all he managed to do was lose the most important thing in his life.
When you decide how you will go forward from here, remember that. It always was about him. He refuses to work on himself the way he must. He will always be unhappy until he does. He will not be able to make anyone else happy, or to partner in a healthy R.
You were meant to be happy, and that choice is yours.
The Piecing forum often demonstrates how hard the reconciling process can be. He knows it, fears it, and refuses to go there.
The Surviving forum is about Piecing also. It is about Piecing our life back together and healing the physical or emotional wounds we experienced. Reconciling with ourselves can be as hard as reconciling with another.
You don't have to hold a copy of a final decree in your hand to begin healing yourself. Set good priorities and stop looking back. If something happens causing you to need the paperwork, it should be easy enough at that time.
Let yourself start the forgiving at home where you need it the most, and then start having more fun than the law should allow!
