I think it would be a shame if HD and LD didn't have a chance to learn from each other without all the triggers that make it difficult in their own Ms. Even when we're careful with our wording, though, typed correspondence sometimes strikes people in a way the author didn't intend.
LS, I have slept naked for as long as I can remember, except as a child, so by itself it's not a cure - I just find it much more comfortable. Skin-to-skin contact is the important part, and of course you have to be at a certain place to do that. I've said elsewhere, my H really can't live without sex, most especially when there is a woman in the bed with him. I've chosen to heal some of the hurt I've caused in my M by being 'enthusiastic and generous' (didn't have any problem with the other wording, though) and did this even right after I got the ILYBINILWY speech and even when he told me that I shouldn't take it the wrong way, that he was still planning to leave, which was the case up until perhaps now. I don't know, he hasn't said and since I said I was willing to take it day by day and wouldn't take his staying as a sign of a renewed commitment to our M, I guess I just have to deal.
This is a rather long answer to your question. I don't usually 'talk' this much, but I find human sexuality fascinating and don't usually get to discuss it with anyone.
Children, yah. I was very intensely involved with my kids, in that they were always with me and both slept with us until they were five, and nursed until they were about 4. Since my H and I continued to be naked (the kids were dressed, especially in the diaper days) and we slept in the middle with a child on either side once there were two, we still had sex in our bed. It's not like we were swinging from the chandelier and the kids just slept. Occasionally we would take advantage of one of the other rooms in the house, too.
More and more, though, sex started to be just something I did to get him off my back. For a number of years, I was tired and really needing personal space more than sex, and we certainly got into that vicious cycle mentioned earlier. Years of fighting or tense silence - when I think about it now, it was really awful. My H was getting this need met elsewhere for several years - I just found out the full extent of it last fall.
Some of the reading I've done in the past few months has really opened my eyes to the impact of my ongoing sexual rejection of him on my H and I sincerely feel terrible about it. I'm sure that all of the people that are here have something they look back on in the same way and are working to change, for the sake of their M.
