ST - yeah, I finally learned that one about stressing during the party so much I don't enjoy it! I now give myself permission to stress up until 1 hour before - then, just let it all go and have fun! Amazing how much more enjoyable parties are that way.
I finally talked to the organizer about the creepy guy.. told her basically I hate to be like this and this guy may be completely harmless but he's been very pushy and I'm nervous about him having my address. Asked her to either drop him from the "yes" list (which would prevent him from getting any event notices), or "skip" him on the email with the address/directions. Luckily for me, she is in the middle of helping a friend deal with a stalker situation that started pretty innocently and got out of hand - so she was VERY understanding and told me it's much better to be cautious than in court filing restraining orders! (which is where she was last week). Made me feel a little better and not like I am totally over-reacting, so that was cool.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
so glad he won't be coming to your party! just in case, you just never know what weirdo might come to your door!
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
Michelle and ST - thank you, I was glad she was so sympathetic too! I actually talked to her on the phone and it was crazy - I just thought she meant dealing with a stalker but no, it's specifically someone stalking via meetup.com. I'm sure there is MUCH more to this story but it's her Ex-H being stalked by his recent Ex-girlfriend (can't help but wonder.. did he have an A with her and leave and now Ex-W meetup organizer is helping him get rid of her??? I didn't ask, not my business, but the thought came to mind immediately).
It was freaking me out because Mr. Creepy was posting stuff on the message board about it, and the organizer apparently doesn't have the capability to remove him.. long story short, we were trying to figure out what to do but it was going to be really difficult. All of a sudden late yesterday - he erased all his posts, and changed his RSVP to no (neither of us had contacted him). NICE!! So we get to avoid that whole awkward situation.
Haven't posted much lately as I haven't had a whole lot to update. Just kinda going along. Looking forward to the party on Friday night.
Had some backslides a bit with H last night.. I am just TIRED of this whole sitch. I'm doing good things for me and feel good about that, but I'm just sooo tired of being afraid to feel good about the M, wonder if I'm kidding myself with the positives, etc.
Just for example.. last night H said something about wanting to see Cloverfield and I "assumed" he meant with me (is that SO far fetched being that I am his W, we've been doing a lot more together, and he talked to me about it???). I said "Oh that sounds fun - that movie looks scary!" (in a good way, as in, well made scary movie). He said almost angrily "Well if you don't want to go I can invite someone else." WTF.. the whole conversation was just awkward and I didn't understand why. Didn't help that H was in a generally pissy mood last night and while I didn't make it "about" me, certainly makes him tougher to be around.
I kinda snapped at that last part - said "Uhh no I'd rather you take me, not ask other people out while you're at least acting like you're married to me." Grrrrr WHY did I say that???? Totally out of context and total over-reaction based completely on my fears. I see that, I realized it, and I was mad at myself even as I was saying it. Although the response was interesting... he said "I didn't mean ask some other girl to go with me like a date, I meant my sister or a guy friend or something." So it was OK.. and I apologized for over-reacting to what he said.. but need to really suck it up and remember to keep comments like that "in check."
Ok.. back on to positives.. I am so excited for this party Friday night! Looks like it may even be a short break in the rain which is great. And I'm doing good NOT overdoing it with decorating, re-arranging the entire house, etc. It's looking like around 25-30 people - the house doesn't have to be totally rearranged until we get to around 40+ people, so trying to make it as non-stressful as possible. H keeps asking me "how many girls" are coming to the party. I keep telling him "Well there's around 25-30 people total, I think about 20 of them are girls." Again last night.. "Are some of the girls coming early to help you set things up?" Reply... "I think so. Tom may come early to help out too." Ahh the mystery is fun.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
I think, my dear, you are angry with yourself for continuing to live in a way you don't like and you are taking it out on H.
You are the one choosing to live in vagueness and limbo. You are the one who is sleeping with a man who you do not treat like your husband in word or action.
Own up to your choices and quit blaming H for their consequences. If you don't like the way you are living, change it or accept it as a cost of trying to get whatever benefits you see from it.
I'm not really sure, though, how living in an M that doesn't seem to be working for either of you with no communication/progress is going to lead to an M that either of you wants to stay in...
I think, my dear, you are angry with yourself for continuing to live in a way you don't like and you are taking it out on H.
Hmmm I had not thought about that - thanks OT.
Quote:
You are the one choosing to live in vagueness and limbo. You are the one who is sleeping with a man who you do not treat like your husband in word or action.
The first part I get... the second part, what do you mean in terms of not treating him like my husband?
Quote:
I'm not really sure, though, how living in an M that doesn't seem to be working for either of you with no communication/progress is going to lead to an M that either of you wants to stay in...
This I definitely agree with. I guess where I'm stuck is how to make any progress other than what we've been doing... where things are getting better but it's certainly painfully slow.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
Just make a loving, compassionate choice, figure out what you want, and share that information with H when you are in a caring, stable place.
What I truly want... is a secure, loving M that we can both be happy and fulfilled in. (or at least, I'd like to see if it's possible for us to have that if we both commit to working towards it.. but obviously I only have control over half of that equation)
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
You don't understand how you are not treating H like your husband? Think about this. What you are saying is that there is nothing in your wifeliness in terms of how you talk, what you share, how you act with H that would change if your M were where you would like it to be.
I take it that husband and wives are romantic partners engaged in a lifelong process of sharing themselves and their lives with each other in an open, loving, caring, passionate R.
Ahh the mystery is fun.