SM- How would your W react to a statement by you about how the foot rub was the kind of thing you see as "progress"?
Hairdog
I don't know. I would have to phrase it something like this:
"BTW, I really enjoyed that foot rub last night. Not just the foot rub, but that it was your idea and I didn't have to tell you to do it."
If I leave it unqualified, and if I don't add any requests like "That was great, but maybe now you can...", then she will respond positively. It also might give her an opening to discuss with me what she is going through during this process.
I agree with Fearless that I need to reinforce, in some way, when she exhibits the kind of behavior I like. I have been stingy on praise, and I think it is something that would make her feel loved (a la 5LL). I want to avoid a lot of heavy relationship talk though. I'm thinking of the kind of talk where I tell her how I feel and what I need and she gets defensive. When I tell her what I want, it's going to be little chunks at a time that are concrete and achievable. When I lay on her everything that I want it seems overwhelming, even to me.
SM
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." Henry David Thoreau
