Help me find the passion

[Dom R]

I also have a strong personality such that when he becomes abusive I often goad him.

i wouldnt call that "strong".
i'd call that "masochistic and self-destructive".

to me at least, "strong", would be if you were unswayed by negative treatment of you, and confronted him with "i dont want you to treat me like that".

Sex just seems to be such a fragile thing for so many couples. I can see how great sex can make a relationship better in all respects. i think my H is a bit unrealistic in the quantity he is expecting. He seems to think it should happen as often as it did in the first few months of dating - despite all of our other stresses and obligations.

why is that "Unrealistic"?

There's a difference between "I'm not interested in that much sex for myself", and "that's not possible".
A big difference.