Just a brief update. Picked up S from school/daycare at 6:00 last night, ran late b/c my individual C ran late. Anyway didn't notice till we got home, but he has a nasty case of pink eye from the looks of it! I put drops in it (as a teacher I always have eye drops for pink eye in the cupboard) but it didn't get any better. Was putting S to bed at 10--he just would NOT go to bed last night!!--and sent a TM to H letting him know S had pink eye so I wasn't going to teach anywhere today. H responded, "Headed home now". He got home at 10:10. Hooray! I know he said Saturday that he would come straight home from bowling but he hasn't had the best track record....
Anyway he came home but as usual fell asleep on the floor watching TV and didn't come to our bed until 2 am. But at least he is still living at home and comes to bed....
So my C went well. She thinks I am really getting myself together with individual plans/goals, I seem stronger to her than I did 3 weeks ago when we met. Now she said that if H says he is wanting to "work on our M" and "fix it", I need to have a list of my expectations of what that will look like. My ideas were:
1)Be accountable, where he says he will be when he says he will be, consistently
2)Have his phone out in clear view (it always used to sit on the dresser or the counter when he was home) instead of keeping it in his pocket, I do NOT intend to look in it, but want to know he isn't afraid to have it out [I really have learned it is worse for me to read his TMs if they are bad, I'd rather not] I just want him to be able to have it sitting out and not act like he is hiding anything
3)Wear his wedding ring again, to show he is married to me and intends to stay that way. He seems uncomfortable with the ring and how it represents to him this crappy mess we are calling a marriage. I haven't told him but think I will tell him that if he wants us to get new rings to symbolize a new start I am okay with that.
4)I would like to have more physical affection (not just sex, although we haven't had that either, but I am wanting hugs, kisses, rubbing my shoulder as he passes by me, etc) and verbal affection (I love you, I am so glad we are trying to make this work, etc) At this time if I say ILY (I started again late last week after he said it to me) he will say ILYT, but he hasn't initiated it in the past few days.
I think this is a simple, fair list of expectations from a man who says he is committed to working on our marriage. We have our couples MC tonight. I am thinking about writing this down--granted I have it committed to memory--and bringing it up at the MC if the opportunity arises. I guess my real goal for the MC tonight is to see this situation from my H's perspective. In his mind, what does "working on our M" mean? What does it look like? What does he want/need to see from me to feel that I am "working on it" with him???
Now she said that if H says he is wanting to "work on our M" and "fix it", I need to have a list of my expectations of what that will look like. My ideas were:
