I'm actually enjoying this board and have some catching up to do here.
LILLIEPERL - I will check out thework. Thanks! We went to 3 counselors together all told. I felt they helped a bit while we were going, but then it was back to the same old thing. I find these boards and self-help books more valuable personally. Part of the reason is my time is so stretched as it is...and I'm not exaggerting. I have a terminally ill sister and aging mother with alzheimers - both alone and at least an hour from me. I have a toddler, a full time demanding job and a marriage that has been up and down since our engagement. I know I sound like a prime candidate for counseling, but for me it is more effective to muddle through on my own.
I have read Verbally Abusive Woman. I tried some of her tactics, like "stop." His response was to mock me and say "stop it, stop it." I recently read the High Conflict Relationship. This book I think has more merit for our situation, and we are trying to work through the exercises. It is about building communication in a stressful atmosphere.
You are right though that I need to stop beating myself up. I've been reading about codependency, and I do have those issues. Not all of the time - because sometimes I can be downright difficult and stubborn. I will try to do a better job of sticking to my boundaries. I am encouraged that he is going to anger management.
The idea about asking him whether something would feel like a rejection...YES! So simple, yet I would not have thought about asking him.
INGRID - no problem breaking in. How long were you LD? Did the naked sleep snap you out of it? We have talked about that, but what about the children? We only have one, but even one makes the intimacy more difficult.
HAIRDOG - we are all skeptical from time to time. I've been trying for ages to build the passion back into my relationship (that's what my other post is about).
MRSCAC - just as you told me, some of these posts we need to ignore and let roll off of us. Your input is so valuable. Please don't stop posting! We all know you are real.
RESPONSE TO THE GUYS - I understand about the male expectation of marriage. I obviously know about the female expectation of M - to be protected and to feel love and safe in a secure environment. The problems begin when one or the other breaksdown, and then the vicious cycle starts. It only takes one to break the cycle. I truly believe that. In my M, we have broken the cycle from time to time, but it always comes back and each time it is a little more vicious. I want to know how to keep the passion and stop the cycles. Yes, there will be down times - but do they have to be so down they drag us all through hell? Aren't we in this together?
