NikB #24

[NikB]

Thanks all!

Jak - agreed, definitely seeing some positives.

Michelle and ST - thank you, I was glad she was so sympathetic too! I actually talked to her on the phone and it was crazy - I just thought she meant dealing with a stalker but no, it's specifically someone stalking via meetup.com. I'm sure there is MUCH more to this story but it's her Ex-H being stalked by his recent Ex-girlfriend (can't help but wonder.. did he have an A with her and leave and now Ex-W meetup organizer is helping him get rid of her??? I didn't ask, not my business, but the thought came to mind immediately).

It was freaking me out because Mr. Creepy was posting stuff on the message board about it, and the organizer apparently doesn't have the capability to remove him.. long story short, we were trying to figure out what to do but it was going to be really difficult. All of a sudden late yesterday - he erased all his posts, and changed his RSVP to no (neither of us had contacted him). NICE!! So we get to avoid that whole awkward situation.

Haven't posted much lately as I haven't had a whole lot to update. Just kinda going along. Looking forward to the party on Friday night.

Had some backslides a bit with H last night.. I am just TIRED of this whole sitch. I'm doing good things for me and feel good about that, but I'm just sooo tired of being afraid to feel good about the M, wonder if I'm kidding myself with the positives, etc.

Just for example.. last night H said something about wanting to see Cloverfield and I "assumed" he meant with me (is that SO far fetched being that I am his W, we've been doing a lot more together, and he talked to me about it???). I said "Oh that sounds fun - that movie looks scary!" (in a good way, as in, well made scary movie). He said almost angrily "Well if you don't want to go I can invite someone else." WTF.. the whole conversation was just awkward and I didn't understand why. Didn't help that H was in a generally pissy mood last night and while I didn't make it "about" me, certainly makes him tougher to be around.

I kinda snapped at that last part - said "Uhh no I'd rather you take me, not ask other people out while you're at least acting like you're married to me." Grrrrr WHY did I say that???? Totally out of context and total over-reaction based completely on my fears. I see that, I realized it, and I was mad at myself even as I was saying it. Although the response was interesting... he said "I didn't mean ask some other girl to go with me like a date, I meant my sister or a guy friend or something." So it was OK.. and I apologized for over-reacting to what he said.. but need to really suck it up and remember to keep comments like that "in check."

Ok.. back on to positives.. I am so excited for this party Friday night! Looks like it may even be a short break in the rain which is great. And I'm doing good NOT overdoing it with decorating, re-arranging the entire house, etc. It's looking like around 25-30 people - the house doesn't have to be totally rearranged until we get to around 40+ people, so trying to make it as non-stressful as possible. H keeps asking me "how many girls" are coming to the party. I keep telling him "Well there's around 25-30 people total, I think about 20 of them are girls." Again last night.. "Are some of the girls coming early to help you set things up?" Reply... "I think so. Tom may come early to help out too." Ahh the mystery is fun.