Helloooo...Smoother Ride....Where Are You???

[SueS]

Hello-

First, Pamar, I am so sorry that I missed seeing your post on Monday. I was working so long on responding to my own that I didn't see yours until after I hit submit. Thank you! At first, I thought that if H got caught drinking/driving that I'd rather it happen after we'd split. Then, I realized that it would affect me no matter what. He could possibly lose his job or worse. Affects D3, affects me.

I'm sorry I'm so absent between my own posts and on everyone else's threads. My mind is kind of reeling right now.

I am not really comfortable at this time getting a roommate. If I knew more people, it would be easier, but most everyone I know is married with kids. I think there'd be too many thoughts of H left in that place if I stayed. If D3 and I are going to hit the future just the two of us, I'd like it to be in a different place. Unless I have to, I don't want to leave now, but when our lease comes up in 6 months.

Rob, Thank you so much for the advice on how to handle things. I want to contact the attorney again that I spoke with before and have her explain to me how the expenses work. She gave me some sort of formula that the courts use on how to figure out how much each spouse would pay. I was worried about the fact that I thought I made more than H. When I checked our W2's it looks like taking his monthly income x12, he's even to me or more than I am. He's only been at his current position for 6 months. I need to do that before I bring up the finances and tell him he's right or wrong. I suspect he'll see it as a lower figure than I will. He does pay her daycare & our groceries now, but he's never really taken a look at the expenses for her clothing, doctor bills, haircuts....etc. I am trying very hard to get all the worked out.

I did think the other day about talking to him about the furniture. I'm not sure how he'll want to split that. In the last year & 1/2, we bought a new couch, bed/bedframe, entertainment center, wall decor...etc. I got online last night and when I went to erase my history, I saw a few apartments that he'd looked at. The areas they were in tell me they are apartments for him. Seeing that he hadn't "searched" for apartments, it looks like the links were sent to him by someone. How nice to have someone sending you links to apartments so you can leave your family!! I know I shouldn't be surprised any more.

Karen, you are right. I shouldn't fight with my H when he's drinking. We were in the car on Sat. night and afer him having gotten nasty with me twice before, I couldn't stop myself. I let it fly. I'd love to see H go to AA. I don't see that happening, as he's never thought he had a problem.

H continues to go up/down with his moods. On Monday night he'd told me that if I didn't want to wait for him to eat, that he'd just eat when he got home. I went ahead and ate with D3. H was then bummed that I didn't wait saying "that's nice". I told him that he'd told me to go ahead and eat. Last night he called from work telling me again not to wait. I didn't. I'm not feeling well and H asked me.....why I was laying down, what was wrong...etc. I told him I didn't feel well and was polite with him. I got to bed and woke up in the middle of the night to find H in bed with me, rubbing my back and wanting intimacy. Well, he knew I was sick and again, with everything that's been going on, I denied him. He got pouty and rolled over. He then went and slept on the futon in the den. Hello???? Where is your head? Is it here, is it with her, where is it? Stepping away, detaching.....etc. Sorry, I know he's a guy, but if you're on the phone with OW and then coming into the bedroom to have sex with your wife????????? Yes, I snooped (hand slap) and it looks like he called OW just before midnight. Why did I snoop? Not sure?? I questioned myself after I did it. What good did it do me? NONE. Again, hand slap. He just told me a few nights ago how he feels and what he wants. He's looking at apartments, but wanting intimacy.........

Well, I need to get a few things done. Thanks everyone!

-Sue