Well, I DB'd like crazy yesterday. The best thing I did yesterday was get a haircut. It had been a few months, and ever since I've been married I've been getting cheap budget $10 cuts with the kids, which I didn't do when I was single. Yesterday I spent $35 and got a great cut, lots of layers around my face, looks great. H when he saw it just had a big smile on his face. I asked why and he wouldn't say (guessing maybe he thinks I did it for him?).Then was dancing again to music in the car being silly again and he was laughing like crazy said I am so funny he had to laugh.
Low point of the day was when H and I were talking early that morning and I said guess what song I've decided to sing for the audition next week, and I could tell by his face he didn't want to know, so I said you don't want to know? And he agreed. So I just ended the conversation then. He doesn't want to know anything personal about my life, because "he's moved on" although of course we are still married (and have been for over 18 years), and that is irritating to me when it would take 30 seconds for him to listen and act interested. But I did stay calm, and just went on to do something else. If he was just a friend, as a friend, you wouldn't be that rude to a friend I don't think, so I think he's just being a jerk really.
He had 3 days in a row of not seeing the OW now, she's gotta be sick and doesn't want to see him (oh, yeah, that's a real relationship) or something is going on but it's been great, but she still is texting him. We had another great day together, I went off and did my own thing after dinner, but then we played Wii golf together for an hour or so, the whole family, again laughing, having fun, H and I smiling at each other.
Then I made the mistake of being in the room for 5 minutes when the OW texted H(she always texts him at 9:30 every night). He was reading it in front of me. I don't know if he wanted to make me angry or let me know we are still getting divorced after we have a good time, (which he has told me are the reasons he has done that before), but I just smiled and said goodnight instead of getting angry like I usually do (is that doing a 180?). I think I have too much Prozac in my system now or just don't care to get my buttons pushed or whatever, so I just went to bed.
The thing I realized that depresses me a bit is that I can be the best looking person, funny, smart, etc, and he can still go off with the OW in 6 or 7 months, but I am trying to be positive about this, because things have been going well this week. I am also trying to prepare myself for the inevitable day, like maybe tonight or tomorrow when he starts going off again with the OW, and starts texting her incessantly again, if they've just had a fight or something, and they make up or whatever. But I'm also trying to be positive, because hopefully in the last 3 days we've had together maybe I've been able to make some dents or cracks or something in his beliefs that the OW is the only option for him. I know I go all over the place thinking about this stuff!!! Karen43
