Another new topic! already? Here we go

[LoginName]

Has MC been good, bad, ineffective, a life saver? What have you liked, disliked? Have you tried different Cs and seen different styles? What about DB coaches? Good experiences, Bad?

For me, the DB coach really helped me at the start. I'd already read the book, and already agreed with the basic ideas of not begging, pleading etc, but he helped me stick with it and see it better.

When my W came back, and we went to MC, I found it helpful, but feel she and I did most of the work ourselves (maybe that's the way it should be)

Here's what I think our MC did well (for my sitch, might not be right for yours).
1. did NOT say he was going to help us save our M. If my W would have heard that, she would have run. She didn't want to be talked into or manipulated into staying in the M.
2. backed off when my W got defensive, didn't push her to open up more or do anything she wasn't comfortable with.
3. told me to be quiet and listen.
These were good things because of the issues that brought my W and I to the point we were at. The issues were largly my W's, base on her childhood. Not that I didn't and don't have work to do on me, but the MC saw that my W had to process some big issues first.

I think more MCs should back off and not push M at all costs. I think it's part of giving the WAS space. If they feel trapped or pushed, the fight back or run or both. IMHO.

What do y'all think?