Just to clarify, the intensity was her being brutally honest about herself, her missing what we had, her confusion about her affair, and her inability to balance things in her life. All of that, combined with a lot of hugging and crying and "I'm so sorry" and just lying with me in front of the fire made me think that SOME kind of corner had been turned. I didn't self-analyze, I tried to be confidant, honest, and toe the line of saying we could work on the marriage, but OM had to be completely out of picture. Obviously you can't have a 3 hour conversation without revealing some things, and I said what I didn't like about myself in our M and what I was doing to change those things, but only because we're S and she can't see those changes.
Anyway, little to no contact since and yesterday outright avoidance. I don't know what she'll do about A, but she's going to C on her own. He's good, so maybe he'll shake her up (which is why she wants to go).
Michael McC, I'm trying to figure out what I need. I just hate how she can so easily push my buttons by broaching these subjects and then shutting down. I know it's the rollercoaster, I just am still getting used to the highs and lows. Her ambitions are obviously a problem and might be the bigger problem - I don't really know what's going on in the A. She said she ended the PA but was still in EA, but she also does nothing but work, so the EA has probably turned into more of an ideal than an actuality. I have to admit that I snooped into cell phone records, and while she still calls OM (who she has to work with) off and on, the conversations aren't often or long.
So, if she can't balance her life, maybe I should move on. I've always been able to be the stability in the past, but when I can't do it, things fall apart. She DOES see being alone as easier, even preferable. This is what happened to us 8 years ago and she eventually realized how lonely she was and it was like a light switch had been flipped. This time EA may prevent that. Who knows.
Hey WCW, glad to hear from you. I'm sleeping, though back into the hourly wake-up. Still training, though it's been raining like crazy around here for over a week. I have to go clothes shopping again - started out wearing 34 waist and am now down to 31. Least I'll look good if I start dating again!
