It became apparent that I was not listening enough & defending my actions too much. I needed to adjust before it got out of hand. I needed to admit my wrongdoings but not dwell on them any more. I had to stop trying to control how she felt and vice versa.
W called me back. I stopped, apologized about the denial, said some strong statements about where I stand & that I can't make her believe them. I was being truthful. I then listened some more. I validated and agreed with everything W was telling me (she was right, I don't need to defend or deny it). I agreed that what she was telling me was the way it was. I don't want it to be like that anymore, etc. Let's try to do things right for a change & see where that takes us.
Conversation started getting much better. Now we are getting somewhere.
Nice work! That's the way to a womans heart. It's about accepting, respecting, and validating the truth, AS HER REALITY DESCRIBES IT.
Our W's memories of specific events are often very different than ours. We remember how fun the weekend at the snow was back in 2004. Our memory centers around the skiing, the food, and the sex. But our W's memories might center around how drunk we got on Friday night and what a stupid thing we said or did, and how crappy it felt to have sex with such a stupid drunk. Their reality is not always OUR reality. Listen, trust, and validate!
You're a quick study my friend. Just keep the focus on YOU. When you're getting frustrated, feeling like there's no progress, then odds are it's YOU who are holding back, not your W. Accept your W for who she is, how she feels, and what she says. Allow her to be and express herself for exactly what she is. Love unconditionally 1C:13.
God Bless,
COG
My Story http://www.divorcebusting.com/forum...&Number=660444&page=2#Post660444
