Another new topic! already? Here we go

[LoginName]

Ok, even though my sitch is still going well - all the big crisis seem to be over - I'll post some of my concerns and issues anyway. Maybe I'll get some great insight, maybe writing it out will help, maybe I'll be an example to others and let them know that these kind of problems happen.

I want my W to be excited to be with me. I'm excited to be with her. I want to flirt, compliment, dream: not only talk about chores, duties, kids.

She was romantic for about a month, I think. When the light bulb turned on for her and she realized whe did want to be married to me and did want to live with me, she was very attentive, affectionate, and maybe a bit needy. I enjoyed it. Now she is business like, seemingly put off by my attempts at romance, flirtation and fun.

What's wrong with being silly and flirtatious? If she feels a little "smothered" by that, is it my problem or hers? Some, maybe many, women would enjoy and appreciate it. Am I doing it wrong?

Here is the IM conversation this morning that is fueling my angst. She asked How are things in YourLand this morning? I responded with Good and how are things in Wifeland (or as we mortals call it, the eastern paradise)? She said that was over the top. Obviously it is. Isn't it also slightly clever, funny, and flirtatious? She said such comments make her feel smothered.

This points back to problems that lead to this mess. Am I doing something wrong here, and if so, what is it? Do I stop being silly, complimentary, etc.? Years ago, I complimented my W a lot. I pride myself on only giving compliments that I believe and am sincere about. I stopped giving compliments over the years, because she didn't seem to like them and didn't respond to them. In our reconciliation, she said I don't compliment her anymore, so I've started again. She's already complaining that I do it too much and it makes her wonder what my motives are.

Is it hard for the WAS to trust anything the LBSer does as well as the other way around? When will she let me off the hook and trust that I'm not acting the way I am (GAL, changes, compliments) just to get her back - Heck, I'm not even sure I really want her back half the time.

Do women (to generalize) see these kind of comments differently than men?

Maybe, thinking this through... women feel uncomfortable on a pedestal, even if it's done jokingly. Maybe it's a love language thing. I'd like some compliments thrown my way occasionally. I'd like her to comment on how thin I've become, and how good I look, if she believes it (divorce diet, lost over 20 lbs, gained back a few recently, so I don't look too thin anymore ;-) ). Maybe it's insecurity. Maybe she can't believe I really do find her attractive and desirable. She's gained a lot of weight and is very self conscious about it.

This seems so small compared to A, OM, separation, etc, but this is the kind of small thing that over a number of years leads to As, OP, etc.

Am I capable of making short posts? Doesn't seem so. Well, there it is. Thanks.