Thanks, karen. I HAVE told this to MsHdog, many times, in many ways. Her answer has been, pretty consistently, that the fallacy in the "sex is the foundation that defines marriage from friendship" is that my definition of "marriage" is too limited.
Which is fine, for her. I just wish that she had let me know this before we got married. Perhaps I should have asked her the question about sex and marriage before we got married, but it didn't occur to me at the time.
I know -- silly us to think that we'd have a problem with forsaking all others, and remaining faithful to someone who won't sleep with us, and be OK with that, all the while meeting all of her emotional needs.
I didn't mean literally to tell her. Goodness knows you have. I think it is sad how she blocks herself from participating in your M with a bunch of mumbo-jumbo smokescreen stuff. One minute it is about feminist issues, the next about your shortcomings and still the next about her view of M. At least my H is consistent "Oh but I Doooooooo find you attracive honey. I'm just too x,y,z to do anything about it. You can't just "do it" you know." His mantra is virtually identical every time - maybe even I should start to believe it.
Don't believe it, karen. As has been said before, it's not that he "can't" do it. It's that he won't. That he does not have sufficient motivation to do this for you, for the marriage, or (gasp!) for himself.
I'm at the "acceptance" stage, at least in my conscious, internal dialog (and external dialog on the SSM board). I'm finding it somewhat more challenging to embrace acceptance when I'm lying in bed either trying to get to sleep, or having awakened in an aroused state. I can feel my old friends, righteous indignation and resentment, settling in next to me. Living the "acceptance" is my goal, and I am getting closer every day.
Have you ever confronted the question "why do I want to have sex with someone who does not want to have sex with me?" It was a powerful question in my journey.
Yep I have looked at that question - that is why I haven't had sex in almost a year and am not sure just when or how I will restart my sex life.
My more recent question is "What does this have to do with him anyway??" It all started when I picked up a piece of erotic fiction that was just my flavor and I have been enjoying hot and botheredness for a couple of days while reading it. H would probably be shocked by it or maybe he wouldn't - who knows???? I just know that living a sexless, colorless existence for a year isn't my cup of tea. Erotic fiction, fabulous new full length burgundy silk jewel tone dress for a black tie event in March (1/2 price too) and a red leather briefcase for work - all in the space of a few weeks. I'm done with wall-flowering in my life or my marriage. He can want me or not - if he can show me that he does maybe I will grace him with my sexual presence. I accept that he has every right not to be interested but I also have every right to be interested - in sex in general or with him. If he's smart he'll figure out that he would rather it be with him instead of with someone else.
Have you ever confronted the question "why do I want to have sex with someone who does not want to have sex with me?" It was a powerful question in my journey.
