I'm sorry to break into this discussion, never having posted to any of you, but sex has been a huge issue in my M, so I'm finding this topic very interesting.

I'm also pleased to see specifics like hjs and bjs discussed - on other threads, everyone tiptoes around things, which I think is too bad, since we can learn things about how to make sex better in a M from each other as well as all the other stuff we learn here. No need to be ashamed of discussing sex - it's a pretty important part of life.

At this point in my life, I also feel more sexual and sexier than I did in the years when I 'had the goods'. Unfortunately, I'm still dealing with the fallout of all those years when I would rather do anything other than have sex and when I did do it, it was mostly just to avoid the fight that we'd have if I didn't.

There were experiences in my childhood that have stood between me and my sexuality, as there probably are for most people, of varying degrees. We don't exactly bring children up to value and understand their sexuality in most Western countries. It took me years to understand that certain sensations meant that I was turned on, because there were barriers between my body and my mind that I had put there to protect myself. This may be the case for many LD people - we literally may not have a clue about what's going on for us.

Even in those years, though, there was/is a way to get past those defenses I put up. Both my H and I sleep nude - I've done so for my whole adult life, because I find it more comfortable. When he and I started sleeping together (the actual sleeping part), he stopped wearing his pjs. If I get a nice, full-body naked, NON-SEXUAL cuddle and I can just relax into the warmth of his skin, after maybe 10 minutes, there are definite stirrings, which I can now recognize. The catch is that if this doesn't happen, he has to go to sleep without resentment, otherwise the non-pressure aspect is gone.

(I've never actually discussed this with my H, probably because I've never verbalized it for myself this way before. Maybe I'll send him an erotic email later today and explain it.)

There may be a way for people to maximize skin-to-skin contact in their own Ms. Find ways to be naked together, if that's possible in your situation. There can't be any pressure, so if that means taking care of yourself beforehand (no pun intended), that would be a good idea.

As someone else said, counselling or some kind of deep self-reflection is probably needed too, to allow LD people to connect with themselves on a sexual level, something which can take practice.

Thanks for letting me babble on and thanks for the interesting discussion.