What I am looking for is for my wife to take some initiative in solving our marital problems.

To be clear, I think this intent is great and have thought that throughout this thread. My questions are and have been - does your wife understand this? Does she understand that your expectation is to see progress from her? Have you told her that the foot rub meant a lot to you and that is the type of progress you want to see?

Do you think that is easy for me?

No I don't but I also see it's not easy for you struggling with the marriage you have either. Some of your wording comes across at times as setting your wife up to fail. You might not be and I certainly do NOT think you are doing it on purpose if you are.

Maybe I have not been clear before. I firmly believe that trying to guess what your wife is thinking or what she means is NOT your responsibility. I believe that you should expect your wife to be a loving partner to you. I also believe that communicating with her clearly and honestly, without any hidden meanings or agendas and without covert contracts is the best way to go. If you feel confident that is what you have done, that is great.

Good Luck and whatever happens I hope you have peace with yourself. I think you deserve that too.



But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads? ~Albert Camus