Having a hard time

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Wow, I cannot believe the support I received from everyone. Like someone said, hearing that others have gone through it doesn't really help me get through it. Though I guess there is some comfort there.

After my hard day the kids started calling me to convince me to let them stay over H's house when it was my night. Can I say that that REALLY broke my heart? I really needed them last night. But they reminded me that I said it was their decision. I was so upset I was ready to lose it at work so I hung up on S11. Then D8 called to ask why I hung up. Then S11 called back. I couldn't take it, especially at work. So as I left my cell rang and it was H. Talking calmly and reasonably-which infuriates me anyway as then I look like the crazy one. Tried to reason with me. Said they were having a hard time - knowing my response he added that of course I was having the hardest time. Really? I hadn't noticed. He ended by telling me to be careful driving since I was upset and crying. I told him who f-ing cares and hung up. This morning when H dropped off the kids I was in the shower and twice he said "yo". I didn't even response, one because I am furious at him and 2 because I HAVE a name and expect to be called by it.

I have decided I WILL NOT ask H to do ANYTHING. That way I am not disappointed. I had a list on the fridge that has been there forever. I erased it today. He does none of it anyway. And yes, I had been thanking him profusely for anything he did for me-little that it was. H has no life but is constantly saying that he has no time and is in a hurry with everything. Rushes the kids out of my house everyday. To do what? God if I know. Tells me on the call that he does make them do chores. This is mainly why I think they want to be over there as they have mentioned it when I get on them about things they need to do. When I ground them at times I get them telling me they are over there that night so it doesn't matter.

I am trying but I am really a broken spirit at this point, with no light at the end of the tunnel. And as far as the meds, I went off just under a yr ago. I still have bottles of zoloft in the cabinet. I personally never felt any different. What helped was not medication but attitude. I have read too many books to list. On my second reading of DR now. Just can't always get the time or the motivation. And I have group tonite but I sometimes think they are sick of hearing me. I asked them last week about the stress I was having at home and now at work too. Got nothing.
Thanks everyone, I REALLY appreciate the input more than you can imagine.