The Deal With The Devil

[Upside]

Hi Hope-

He says he doesn't think he could ever be happy again with me, because "this" will always overshadow all the good years we had.

Sounds like more avoidance if you ask me. How can you be sure he is done with the MLC?...and if he isn't done with his MLC, can you really believe that he is going to feel this way forever? I highly doubt it but maybe that is just me always want the happy ending.

If you are ready to move on, I hope that you find the peace and happiness that you so greatly deserve...if you aren't, well...you know the drill.

<3
Upside

[AmyC]

Having been in MLC, I disagree wholeheartedly that he is out of it.

But I do agree that you need to move on for your own well-being.

You have done your part and you stood well.

Leave your husband to God.

He is the only One that will be able to get him through this part.

Trust me, I know.



Amy

[wed2alien]

Hope,
You have gotten a lot of good advice here. He may be near the end of his journey but he still sounds depressed. The guilt is very hard for them to accept once they wake up and see the mess they caused. It is so obvious he is trying to push you away, it would be so much easier for him, to avoid the pain he caused.

Take care of yourself. He has a lot of soul searching to do.

Wed2alien

[still hoping]

Hi Hope,

If he's still depressed, then doesn't that mean the crisis isn't over yet?

I agree with what you have said about the end of the crisis not equating with reconciliation. You mentioned it in a previous post and it has had a lasting impression on me. We all encourage each other to have patience, but that implies that our H's will return in the end. Sometimes I think we should be encouraging each other to accept what our H's are saying to us and just move forward with our lives. Doesn't mean we can't still hope for a happy ending.

Thanks so much for sharing.

[seekpeaceofmind]

We discussed a divorce. He believes it is for the best.

Do you agree that D is for the best at this point? Are you ready to go there? It sounds like you are accepting his decision - but it's not clear if you choose this, too.

He said, "I have made my deal with the devil and now I am going to deal with the consequences."

I'm just wondering if there was any discussion about forgiveness.

[hopefloats7]

We are legally sep., and if H files, it will automatically go through. Same if I file. I don't know if I could do it yet, but he discussed the fact that it's been so long now and neither of us should continue living in this limbo state. (there was a lot that was said; I didn't post every part of the conversation; too lengthy).

He knows that I forgive him for the affair. I don't know if I could actually make the relationship work after all that he has done. I would like to see, just to be sure, but H is adamant that his mistakes will get in the way. I think he's actually speaking more for himself than for me.

[w8ing]

I think that Upside and AmyC hit it on the head. I don't, for a minute, think he is done with the crisis.

I think the guilt is overwhelming him.

But regardless - you need to do what is in your best interest. Live your life for you.

Hugs, sweetie. You are in my thoughts and prayers today.

[hopefloats7]

He is definitely done with replay and all of that. To me, that is the crux of the crisis.
Just because he isn't calling me up, professing undying love to me and wanting me back does not mean he is still deeply imbedded in the crisis.
He's awake enough to know what he's done. He's very ashamed. He told me he has kicked his own @ss over it. For him to admit all that he has and acknowledge what he put me through shows that he is out of this enough to understand what he did. He will be a long time trying to understand what caused him to change.

[kikifree]

Hope,
I honestly agree with Amy . i do not think he is "out" of the crisis. This is the part wher he sees all his damage and finds it unbearable.

I agree with you , in needing closure and You do need to move forward with yourself.

But i do not think your H is out of MLC... Replay -yes...You are getting answers and that is good for you.

I know how you feel but I think this is good.

[Lissie]

Hi my friend.

"You will survive"

Call me I'll play the card for you. (luv you, and thank you)

I think you need this closure. You need it to move on.

I disagree with you. I don't think he is out of the MLC, and he has WAYS to go.

I don't know what stage he is in, not that it matters. It is just that

This crap takes a very long time.

I am glad that he did not come back, and try to fake it. He knows he is not enough!

That take courage to say.

You are more than enough.

Go and live your life, and kick ass in your courses.

D is just a piece of paper right?

What will be will be

God does not want you by his side now, for a very good reason.

Have Faith, and live your life .

I luv you.