So how come you DID marry the one that wouldn't have sex with you? Some kind of perverse desire to CHANGE him. I think that's what Karen is talking about.
If I don't motivate him/us to change, then it never will.
that's when we work together (with my persistance)
So w/out me kind of pushing him to work together to change the issue, he wouldn't change a thing. So, not babying, but helping. At least that's what I think I'm doing.
Most of us have been there and it takes a LOT to really see it in yourself and a LOT to give up manipulating the other person and just letting them be. At the moment you're still in denial that you're doing this after a while you might get to the point where you do start to see it and then after an even longer while you might start to change things about yourself.
Step 1 is to start focusing on you. Start to realise that the only person you can change is yourself. Deal with your body image issues, deal with your self-esteem issues and don't make it about him. It's his job to worry about him.
I am only just finally getting this myself after 16 years married to an alcoholic and something like 4 years on these boards. And only now am I finally beginning to get it. So one step at a time K at least you have come to the right place and you are taking that one step along the right road.
Fran
if we can be sufficient to ourselves, we need fear no entangling webs Erica Jong
