WAW staying, I'm leaving to give her space..(2)

[jab]

Extremely hard day again today. Once again, I thank you COG for putting my head in the right spot. Things pretty much started off by being a continuation of the last week (sucking). Called home to say goodnite to kids, started continuing same old arguments with W. This went on for awhile, it was painful at best for me. I was getting really frustrated. W mentioned she bought some marriage help book (don't know the name of it). First thought was that this was an excellent sign, but then W began pointing out all the bad things in the book that I was doing in the past, etc. W expressed that she felt like there was so much screwed up that she wasn't sure she wanted to attempt to fix things. At first, I started to deny &/or defend some of the issues she was bringing up. More arguments but W had to call me back.

I read your post again, COG during the 'intermission'. It became apparent that I was not listening enough & defending my actions too much. I needed to adjust before it got out of hand. I needed to admit my wrongdoings but not dwell on them any more. I had to stop trying to control how she felt and vice versa.

W called me back. I stopped, apologized about the denial, said some strong statements about where I stand & that I can't make her believe them. I was being truthful. I then listened some more. I validated and agreed with everything W was telling me (she was right, I don't need to defend or deny it). I agreed that what she was telling me was the way it was. I don't want it to be like that anymore, etc. Let's try to do things right for a change & see where that takes us.

Conversation started getting much better. Now we are getting somewhere. W started reading things in the book to me over phone (some quizzes & such). It became really productive. We were on phone 2 hours. I felt much better in the end, she did too. It was good, positive communication for a change. We said goodbyes, I got an ILU (little reluctant but nonetheless). A complete 180 from the backwards direction that the last few conversations were heading. A baby step.

Tomorrow is C day. It was funny to me that W stated that the book & phone conversation tonight was better than any C session we have had to date. Another positive sign. I'll sleep better tonight.