She's ready to move on

[Michael Mc C]

My turn for a song.

So, after the gym tonight I stopped at the store to pick up a bottle of wine. In the parking lot, the following song came on. Not sure who out there is familiar with the group Blue October but this song, 'Hate Me', is one I have heard many times in the past. Tonight was the first time I listened to the words.

Okay, he's talking about drug/alcohol addiction and how it wreaked havoc on his spouse. I think the same holds true for OP addiction as well.

This is the message my wife was giving me at one point and I believe she is starting to deliver again. It's easier, or 'better' for me to move on than it is for us to try to fix what has been broken.

I do NOT get choked up by lyrics (so I like to believe) but tonight it got me. This song reminded me that my wife loves me and she does not want me to be hurting anymore - and that she admits her own faults. It also reminds me that she has feelings of desperation and guilt right now. If I hate her, I will move on and we will all eventually find happiness again. This song is one of her favorites right now.

Some of the sentiments are a bit extreme but the message is clear. It is far from being a happy song...

I have to block out thoughts of you so I don't lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I'm alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you. Will you never call again?
And will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face?
And will you never try to reach me?
It is I that wanted space

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you

I'm sober now for 3 whole months it's one accomplishment that you helped me with
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won't touch again
In a sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I'll drive so [censored] far away that I never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you

Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you

And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling "Make it go away!"
Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered "How can you do this to me?"

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you

Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you