I actually disagree about the goals. I think we need to have both: our own goals, so we can work on ourselves; and goals of spouse's behaviors that will indicate that we are moving in the right direction. Maybe instead of thinking about it as "goals" for the spouse, you could think of it as "first signs" that he is turning, or even just "signs" that he is coming closer. The question being, "what is the first (or next, or smallest next step) thing that my spouse could do that would indicate that they are having a change of heart?" and then watch for that.
Otherwise I think it's too easy to overlook the good baby steps, and we need encouragement on this slow and steady journey!
that's just my two cents... keep up the good work, kalni!!
