oh so complicated

[darkestangel]

Oh hon, in his "fog", he doesn't know left from right, let alone any of the b.s that's coming out of his mouth. He will say the most terrible things he can think of, because in this state, he HAS to make you the bad guy. That's his only way to avoid the guilt, he's trying to justify all the reasons why he's doing what he's doing. His problems are so internal but he doesn't recognize that. He just knows that he's not right, so he's trying to make what's not right in his life about you. My H did (and does) the same thing, they re-write the history of your marriage where everything was terrible and no one was ever happy.

The best thing to do is to do your best DBing. Detach, do not persue and let him intiate all contact (besides baby-related). It's hard, especially in the beginning. But DO NOT call/ email/ text him, let him initiate all contact. Somehow, this makes them let their guard down a bit and in my case, H got friendlier. Not close, he's still distant, but he feels more comfortable around me and actually intiates contact now just to say Hi. Trust us on the board when we say that it is the BEST thing you can do in your situation. DO NOT PERSUE.

I am fairly new here myself, my H left about 6 weeks ago. I've been Dbing for 3 weeks or so, and although he shows no signs of coming home / working on our marriage, he is much more friendlier, all his hostility is gone, we can talk and joke around and for myself, it's given me back my dignity and sanity. It's a long process, but your H needs to go through this. There's little you can do to improve the situation except for improving yourself, and taking care of your baby.