I know when my wife was having her affair, someone on the SSM board (NOP) told me that, after the initial shock wears off, that the lies and the disrespect would be worse than the sex part to me. I doubted that would be true, but sure enough, nothing ended up making me angrier than when she'd look me dead in the eye and tell me where she was going, and then I'd catch her lying about it. Eventually, I had to have a separate confrontation with her about "NO MORE LIES." I told her she needed to come clean with her parents and with our adult daughters, and no more lying to me, because it was disrespectful to all of us, and besides, if their relationship was so wonderful, then why the need to hide it?
I'll never forget the meeting. We were sitting in her car in a department store parking lot, and I told her we could either drive to her parents house RIGHT THEN, and she could tell them the truth, or I was going to, that I respected them too much after everything they'd done for me to allow them to be lied to anymore, and the same for our daughters (20, 18).
She was LIVID, and bought like hell, but she came clean with all of them, and the affair ended soon after.
My W always knew that I didn't tolerate being lied to. She has know this fact for over 17 years. My DD knows this too, and has always told me the truth, because I will never get angry at her if she is honest, regardless of what she has done. That is why she tells her M and D everything, knowing that it won't be as serious by being honest.
My W knows that the lies really do effect me emotionally, and I do get very angry (as it shows me no respect when I am lied to). Every truth that she has told me about OM and things she has done, have hurt me, but I respected her more for just be honest, and I have accepted it.
And u r right....... I could get over OM and rebuild, but I cannot overcome the dishonesty. People find it hard to change this character flaw, once a liar always a liar, and I don't want to live life not trusting my partner. And I can never trust her again.
Funny thing happened last night. She got home with DD and asked me if I wanted a coffee, I said yes, thanks. She sat upstairs for a couple of hours, before retiring to bed, and yes, no coffee.
My life with her is crystal clear now, and the fog has lifted for me. I look back at my life now, and remember all the considerate things I did for her, and can't recall too many things she did for me. She just assumed that I would make the coffee's and walk upstairs and serve it to her, like the considerate idiot I was when we were married. Just a small token of what she was all about for over 17 years
Chocolateeyes, I too have seen the light Thanks buddy. Andyv
Congratulations on passing your exams. I think 2008 is going to be "your" year
Surprisingly I am feeling pretty good, and am feeling better with each day. Work, family and friends have been great, DD is really doing well at school, and she is readying herself for the divorce (I am sooo happy that it has not affected her too much).
I am sort of looking forward to (a little hesitant) with life after W. I have made it known to my family and friends that I am not ready to start a new relationship as yet. I am back to my old self (pre meeting W), and am enjoying life being single.
I am going to concentrate on DD, family, friends and work for the time being.
Funny thing is that for some reason it is making me even more appealing to my female friends and colleagues .........LOL
Oh well, such is life, they are just going to have to wait :).
Andy, don't think I've ever posted to your thread before but I've been reading off and on.
It sounds like you're doing great, along with your DD. Back in mid-November, when things seemed to be going well for my W and I, I surprisingly began looking at life without her and found that I would honestly be okay. 20 years is a long time but it's not THAT long that I have to hang my hat up and sit in the corner.
I have been receiving a lot of attention from women as well. I don't know if it's because of a new attitude that's being noticed by women OR if it's because we LBS's are out of our own "fog" where we weren't paying attention to such things because we were/are so in love with our spouses.
Anyway, glad to see you being so upbeat. Keep it going.
Latest Thread
Me: 39/W: 37 D13-D11-S8 M/T 14/20
EA confirmed: 9/13/07 D-Bomb: 9/19/07 OM Gone since 12/18/07 W wants to fix marriage: 3/16/07
Things are going okay. Work is crazy busy and now I need to start studying again. My personal life has cooled off some. I'm not dating anyone and don't have any prospects either, but I'm not in any rush with that.
Quote:
Funny thing is that for some reason it is making me even more appealing to my female friends and colleagues .........LOL
I know where you are coming from here. I just back from staying with one of my guy friends that lives in Cali and his gf would not leave his side for 3 days after laying eyes on me. I never thought of myself as a threat to any woman, but obviously she saw me differently. I just thought to myself...I'm not the type of woman you need to be worried about.
M:28, D finalized: 8/28/07 Current Thread
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
. I don't know if it's because of a new attitude that's being noticed by women OR if it's because we LBS's are out of our own "fog" where we weren't paying attention to such things because we were/are so in love with our spouses.
Ya got that right,
Hey Andy my hero....... I had a big ego bost last saturday.. it was HARD to remember that I was married....I KNOW I will be alright If and when I am through this crap....Hey 18 more day till VEGAS.....
take care Andy and MMc.... The band of brothers....... Husband (Dr Love)
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
I guess it was a boost to my PMA, but she was soooo annoying and there were all sorts of PDAs going on for 3 freakin' days and last but not least I never got a chance to really catch up with my friend without her listening to my every word.
M:28, D finalized: 8/28/07 Current Thread
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
